We open knee deep in World War II. Under the command of Canadian pilot Ted Stryker (Dana Andrews), the R.A.F.'s 72^nd fighter squadron is on their way to Germany. Their mission: To bomb a strategic supply depot. They manage to slug through the German fighter umbrella, but their target is obscured by fog. Opting not to abort the mission, Stryker leads his planes on a low attack run with disastrous results. Lost in the fog, the planes go in too low and six of them crash. Stryker survives, but is badly wounded. While recovering, Stryker is haunted by flashbacks of the attack. Taking full responsibility for the disaster, no formal charges are brought against him and he's honorably discharged. But the doctors warn him to face his emotional trauma, and put it behind him, or he’ll be running from it forever. For Stryker, the war is over, but a "more personal kind of war has just started for him."

Ten years later, Stryker is still running. He is desperately trying to land a job at a factory in Winnipeg but there's a complication. Stryker feels his war record is the obstacle, but the manager says it’s his record after the war that concerns him. Stryker’s gone through twelve jobs in ten years, and has moved just as often. Stryker pleads that he desperately needs the job to save his marriage. (He’s at the breaking point with his wife.)

Stryker does get the job, and heads home to celebrate, but finds only a note and an empty house. (The ominous music tells us what it says.) He rushes to the airport and spies his wife, Helen (Linda Darnell), and son, Joey (Geoffrey Toone), boarding Flight-714. He buys a ticket and barely makes it on board before the flight departs.

The plane takes off, and we find out that Stryker is now a white-knuckle flyer. (He hasn’t even been in a plane since "the incident.") He starts sweating profusely, and excuses himself to the bathroom where he starts having more violent flashbacks.

That’s because the comedy Airplane basically spoofed Zero Hour! into obscurity. Most people make the wrong assumption that the Airport movies were the main inspiration for Airplane (but now you know better.) It was this film that inspired Jim Abrahams and the Zucker brothers, and to be honest, they didn't have to change all that much.

Arthur Hailey wrote the original teleplay, Flight to Danger, that Zero Hour! is based on. He also wrote Airport. The man has made a living writing about love triangles, matrimonial humps, and airline disasters. Hall Bartlett translated the action to the big screen, serving as both producer and director. Bartlett's other big contribution to the world of B-Movies was adapting Richard D. Bach's New Age "Free to be Me" best-seller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Along with the Stryker's crumbling marriage, there are several other subplots stuck on this plane ride as well. Head stewardess Janet Turner (Peggy King) is fighting with her boyfriend, Tony (Jerry Paris), because they can’t quite get over the matrimonial threshold. There are also several older gentlemen in first class, passing a bottle around, on their way to a football game in Vancouver.

Stryker bumps into the pilot in the galley. (What the pilot is doing in there I don’t know -- and whose flying the plane is another mystery.) Captain Smith (Elroy "Crazylegs" Hisrch -- and his unearthly chiseled chin) comments on Stryker's haggard appearance, and asks if he needs some Dramamine. He declines, and leaves to talk to his wife. Ellen isn’t really happy to see him, but Joey sure is. In Dutch with the wife, Stryker asks Janet if his son can see the cockpit. She takes them forward. Smith asks Stryker if he's feeling any better, then asks Joey if they’ve ever been in a cockpit before. (And no, he doesn’t ask if he likes gladiator movies -- or seen a grown man naked.) Joey says his dad used to fly planes, and he wants to be a pilot, too, someday.

Janet asks what they would all like for dinner: fish or lamb. (Uh-oh.) Smith, the co-pilot, and Joey all want fish while Stryker opts for the lamb. Stryker thinks they should go, but Smith says Joey can stay for a while if he likes. As he leaves, we overhear ominous weather reports over the radio, and several airports are closing due to fog.

Stryker returns to his wife and begs for another chance. But Ellen confronts him with the facts: They’ve been on the move since the end of the war, never settling down. She says it’s nothing he’s done, but what he hasn’t done. He promises to do better, but his promises are no good anymore. She then drops the bomb on him; she can’t live with a man she no longer respects. (Ouch.)

Back in the cockpit, Janet brings the pilots their food and sends Joey back to his seat. Joey finds his dad not sitting with his mom and asks why. Dad handles it delicately, but let’s give the kid a little credit here for being wise beyond his years.

Eventually, one of the passengers turns violently ill. Janet gives her some Dramamine. (This flight is brought to you by Dramamine. Dramamine: the cure for everything.) But the passenger only gets worse. She asks Smith if they can land for a medical emergency, but all the airports are closed except for Vancouver, still five hours away. He tells Janet to see if there is a doctor on board. As she leaves, we notice the co-pilot is getting sick.

Luckily, a Dr. Baird (Geoffrey Toone) is on the flight. He examines the patient, but doesn’t like what he sees. Meanwhile, more passengers are getting sick, including Joey. Baird examines the boy and asks Ellen what he’s had to eat that day. She goes through the list, up to the fish he ate an hour ago. Baird then asks to see the pilot. He meets Smith outside the cockpit and demands that they land immediately. Before Smith can tell him about the weather, the plane goes into a nosedive.

As the passengers start to grow wary that something's wrong, Smith radios Vancouver to have them prepare for an emergency landing, with medical help standing by. Baird gives Smith a shot of morphine to help fight off the sickness. (Giving morphine to the pilot? Is that really wise?) He gives everyone else who had the fish and ipecac. (What are they gonna do with all the air sickness bags?) But it comes too little too late as more passengers fall to the malady.

Janet receives a call from the cockpit over the intercom, but no one responds to her answer, which can only mean one thing. She rushes to the front and finds Smith passed out. At least he managed to turn the autopilot on, so they're safe for the moment. (At least until they run out of gas or plow into something.)

Stryker worries about a panic, but Baird says he and Janet can handle it. He'll need help in the cockpit with the radio, so Baird promotes Ellen to co-pilot. Stryker then contacts Vancouver and tells them the situation. 

On the ground, Burdick (Charles Quinlaven) makes emergency preparations. He gets a hold of Treleaven (Sterling Hayden), the best man to talk Stryker down. But there's a problem: the two have a troubled history, dating back in the war. Treleaven believes that Stryker will crack under the pressure. Burdick stresses to him that Stryker is the only chance they have. So Treleaven puts on the kid gloves and contacts the plane. Stryker recognizes him, and they congenially decide to cut the crap and get through it. Ellen takes over the radio and Treleaven starts running him through landing procedures.

Meanwhile, despite Janet's efforts, the passengers are starting to panic. One woman even tries to open the emergency door. Tony helps to get her under control and sees that Janet isn’t holding up very well, so he promises to marry her as soon as they land. (Not much of a commitment once you consider all the circumstances.)

They manage to make out the runway through the fog and head in. Treleaven yells at him the whole way down -- they come in too fast, burn out the brakes, and destroy the landing gear, but the plane comes to screeching halt mostly intact. (As the old saying goes, any landing you can walk away from…)

See, the comedy of Airplane is lifted almost verbatim from Zero Hour!. It’s all there: from the insipid dialogue to the overblown melodrama, so much so, that watching Zero Hour! will crack you up at the most inopportune times. It’s hard to watch this film with a straight face if you’ve seen and been corrupted by Airplane.

From the deadpan doctor, to the sweaty hero, the characters are also virtually identical. There’s the same plucky stewardess, and very panicky passenger. (The one everyone took turns slapping in the spoof.) It’s also the origin of the "Picked the wrong day to quit smoking gag", taken to the hilt by Lloyd Bridges in the later film.

There is one scene from this film that seems strangely missing from Airplane: a bizarre vignette between Joey and Tony. Tony has a sock puppet that talks in an Irish accent and uses it to entertain the boy. It comes off really creepy and seems more than ripe for the Zucker and Abrahams treatment and left me scratching my head, pondering its omission.

Dana Andrews and Sterling Hayden turn in solid performances. I enjoy both of these actors immensely. Here, Andrews sweats like a guy named Ira. In Airplane, Robert Hayes needed help from the f/x department to produce the gallons and gallons of sweat. Andrews didn’t need any help. And is it me, or does Hayden always seem to be having trouble breathing? (Also watch for John Ashley doing a bad Elvis impersonation on the TV.)

It’s not that hard to see this plane ride as a metaphor for the Stryker’s failing marriage. They have to work together to get through this crisis and save Joey. And with a little help from Treleaven -- the marriage counselor from hell, they manage to successfully land the plane, thus saving the marriage.

To be honest, Zero Hour! stands up fairly well on its own, but I will warn that if you've already seen Airplane, it makes Zero Hour! one of the funniest unintentional comedies ever made.

Posted: 12/14/00. Copy and paste at your own legal risk.

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