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Unleashed
on an unsuspecting public by Sam Arkoff (yes,
that Sam
Arkoff), Up
the Creek
follows the exploits of four perennial
college losers: Bob (Tim
"Otter" Matheson) is a
career student with more than fifteen
years of higher learning under his belt,
with as many major and Universities
changes to boot; Max (Dan
"Pee-Wee" Monahan) can't
get a date; Gonzer (Stephen
"Flounder" Furst) finally
gets to act like Bluto instead of Flounder;
and Irwin
(Sandy "Uhm, well, Irwin"
Helberg) is a nerdy dork with a
penchant for hard liquor.
Currently
attending Lepetomaine University (a/k/a
Lobotomy U), our four miscreants
are forcefully rounded by Dean Birch (Jonathan
Hillerman -- Higgins? What
are you doing in this movie?) Seems
the Dean wants a victory in the
Intercollegiate Whitewater Raft Race for
the school. (The only other thing
ever won by any other student was a
parole.)
Picking these four because they have
nothing left to lose, the Dean readily
points out that they aren’t at the
bottom of the list, but that they ARE the
bottom of the list. And to sweeten the
pot, Birch offers them all degrees, in any
subject, if they can somehow manage a win.
So
they all pile into Bob’s jeep, including
his wonder dog, Chuck, and head for the
race. At a pit stop along the way, Bob
meets and falls for Heather (Jennifer
Runyon). She’s just bounced her
former boyfriend, Rex (Jeff East), head
preppie of Ivy University.
Rex
and his cronies, Reggie, Rocky and Roger (who
all appear to be clones of Vincent Van
Patten),
are all in cahoots with Tozer (James
B. Sikking), an Ivy alum who
sponsors the raft race. Arming them with
torpedoes and explosives, Tozer intends to
insure another win for Ivy U's Mighty
Crimson.
When
the Lobotomy U gang pulls into ground zero,
they size up the competition: The front
runners are the cadets from the Washington
Military Institute, led by the inspired
Captain Braverman (Blaine
Novak). But
Bob accidentally interrupts Braverman’s
sabotage attempts, which gets WMI
disqualified. So
while Bob is the target of assassination
from many fronts (the cadets and
the boys of Ivy U.), Max strikes
out (a lot), Gonzer eats (a
lot), and Irwin drinks (a
lot.)
On
the night before the big race, Bob and
Heather go back to her room and slip into
each other (and
forgive me for that one), when Rex
and the Van Pattens come calling and catch
them post-flagrante and chase Bob off. But
catch him they do, and pound him into
mush.
Poor
Otter. Does this happen to him in every
movie?
Bob
recovers in time for the big race that
lasts two days, and only the first five
teams that make it to the first checkpoint
are allowed to race the next day. Somehow,
our gang of misfits manage to survive the
first day; but their raft barely does.
They dodged several attempts from the
renegade GI Joes, but Rex actually manages
to sink them twice. Luckily, Chuck comes
through with the last flag, so they’re
still in the race.
That
night, they raid the Ivy U camp and
destroy it. During the confusion, Irwin is
captured by the cadets and staked out as
bait. Braverman has gone off the deep end
and concluded that if they can’t win the
race, then no one can. He therefore
concludes that there can’t be a winner
if there isn’t a river -- and orders his
men to blow the river up.
Meanwhile,
Chuck manages to track Irwin down, and
with a nifty game of charades, explains to
the others where he is. Bob, Max, Gonzer
and Heather surprise the cadets and take
them out before they can detonate the
explosives. (For
the record: Heather joined their team
after hers got knocked out by Ivy U.)
They
make it back to their raft just in time,
though, because Braverman has recovered
and detonates the C-4. The resulting
explosion dams up the river, causing it to
change course, and the massive flash flood
destroys Tozer’s cabin and dumps the
Lobotomy U gang between Ivy and the finish
line, allowing them to limp to victory.
The
end
Do
you ever find yourself yearning for those
halcyon days of the early '80s and all
those teen sex comedies? Ones like Loose
Screws,
Spring
Break
and Porky’s,
where drinking was encouraged, pot smoking
was funny, all the girls were loose, and
every guy tried to screw anything that
moved? You know, the ones you wanted to
see while you’re folks dragged you
kicking and screaming to Ordinary
People.
Yeah,
those.
Up
the Creek
is one such film. A wild yarn of sex, beer,
and a whitewater raft race, this was one
of the first R-rated films that I managed
to sneak into. (Don’t
tell my mom, okay?) It came out
when the teen sex movie glut was slowly
petering out. Teen sex comedies go through
the same cyclical cycle as teen slasher
movies.
The
cast of genre veterans do look a little
old; but they don’t look like they
regret being in the film and appear to be
having some genuine fun making it.
The
film isn’t anything you haven’t seen
before, but there are enough tweaks to
keep it entertaining.
Enjoy.
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