We open on the outskirts of Topeka, Kansas, in the year of our lord 1939: Hitler is running rampant in Europe, Japan is running amok in the Orient, and Roosevelt's New Deal slowly, but surely, pulls America out of the Great Depression. But our story proper gets rolling when the diminutive Rollo (Cork Hubbert) checks in at general store to see if a reply from Hollywood has come yet. The mail clerk pokes fun, saying he's too short for the movies. To which Rollo replies, "There's no dream too big -- and no dreamer too small."

Rollo then joins a few others around the wireless to listen in on one of Roosevelt's fireside chats. Before the President talks about his own country's plight, he first talks about how much worse it is in other countries under the Axis onslaught. When the signal fades out, replaced with static, Rollo offers to go and fix the aerial. Up on the roof, he adjust the wire but then slips and falls off, landing in a heap of garbage. Inside, the radio's signal is crystal clear and everyone shouts a thanks to Rollo for fixing it, not realizing he's fallen.

As Roosevelt's broadcast continues, we switch venues from Kansas to Berlin where Hitler is listening in, and isn't happy with what the verdammt Amerikaner is saying about him. Calling for his best secret agent, a tall, stern looking fellow walks into the office, but when voice calls out "Zieg heil!" a small hand flashes from the bottom of the screen in salute. The camera quickly pans down to reveal Otto (Billy Barty), another midget, sporting a monocle, complete with his very own Hitler mustache. (All told, a miniature bald version of der Führer hisself.) Otto's mission is to go to America -- Los Angeles to be more precise -- and meet up with Nakamuri; a Japanese agent, and turn over a map of the American coastal defenses for a possible invasion. Hitler tells Otto to look for a Japanese man in a white suit -- and the secert-code phrase "The pearl is in the river." When Otto asks how the Japanese agent will recognize him, Hitler laughs, replying he will look for someone Otto's size. (Oh, this is gonna end in high hilarity o' hi-jinks, I can tell already.) Hitler then starts ranting how the Axis will conquer the world. Otto watches, enthralled, and answers the Nazi-n-chief's "zieg heil" with his own -- but his short-n-stature salute nails the dictator right in the wiener schnitzels (if you know what I mean.)

Our cast of players broadens as Secret Service Agent Bruce Thorpe (Chevy Chase) escorts the displaced Duke and Duchess of Luchow cross country by rail to California. The Duke (Joseph Mahre) is a paranoid wreck, convinced an assassin is after him, and constantly wears ridiculous disguises to hide his identity. The Duchess (Eve Arden) refuses to wear her glasses, and therefore legally blind, and dotes on Strudel, the family dog. As the Duke teaches Thorpe his secret knock -- "Shave and a Haircut" -- the agent assures him there is no assassin. But actually, there is someone after him: the Assassin (Robert Donner) has made three attempts on the Duke's life already, but usually winds up doing more damage to himself or Strudel. Seems the Luchow's have gone through thirteen dogs already; but the Duke has kept this from the myopic Duchess, secretly replacing each deceased dog and placing Strudel's locket on the new canine to complete the deception, so, as long as the dog is relatively similar, the Duchess never knows the difference. And it looks like it's time for number fourteen as the Duke accidentally shoots number thirteen.

Thorpe head to the freight car and bribes the attendant before absconding with Strudel the 14th as the speeding train picks up the latest mailbag off the rod-arm. When it bangs into the car and starts moving, the Duke thinks it's the assassin and flees. Is it the Assassin? No, it's just Rollo, sneaking on the train, trying to get to Hollywood.

Meanwhile, out in Hollywood, Louis B. Mayer's studio is in the midst of two monumental productions: Gone With the Wind is already filming, while The Wizard of Oz has just finished casting and will start shooting on Monday. "Louie" places one of his assistants, Annie Lockhart (Carrie Fisher), in charge as a special coordinator for the film. Seems 150 special extras are due to arrive this weekend. Yup, you guessed it, these "special extras" will be playing the part of the Munchkins -- and Annie has to keep track of them all. It's a big chore, and even though Louie thinks she's up to it, he assigns his bungling nephew, Homer (Peter Isacksen), to help her out. They need to find them all a place to stay, and get them into wardrobe and make-up and ready on the set when the cameras roll on Monday. Louie also asks for one more thing for his film, a cute dog. 

They get to work and Homer calls the Culver Hotel -- right across the street from the studio. Inside the empty hotel, Tiny (Pat McCormick), the house detective, drinks from his flask; Otis (Freeman King), the elevator operator, snoozes in his car when the phone rings. The ditzy operator takes a call and confirms 150 reservations just as the hotel manager enters, complaining how dead business has been; it's so dead he's decided to attend the manager's convention and offers to take the ditz along -- who quickly hides the reservation slip (or absentmindedly throws it away, who knows for sure.) Leaving his bumbling nephew, Henry (Adam Arkin), in charge the manager leaves. After he's gone, Henry unveils a new banner, renaming the Culver as The Hotel Rainbow -- just as the charter bus for The Japanese Photographic Society loses it's front tire and crashes right in front of the lobby doors. Shaken but unhurt, twenty Japanese photographers, all in white suits, spill out and start snapping pictures. Stranded until the bus can be fixed on Monday, Mr. Akido (Bennet Ohta), asks Henry if he can accommodate them all. Henry replies "There's always room under the Rainbow."

Over to the train station we go as Annie tries to round up her charges and blunders right into Thorpe. Together, they watch as several stewards chase Rollo for stowing away on the train. Rounding a corner, Rollo runs right into a group of little people. A girl tells him to drop his pack and kiss her. He does as the stewards run by. A little dumbstruck over so many little people all in one place, Rollo sticks with the group because "They're all off to see the Wizard."

Back at the hotel, Otto arrives and our percolating comedy of errors kicks into hyper-drive. Entering the lobby, he spies all the Japanese photographers and his monocle pops off. He uses the code phrase but gets no response. Then Thorpe and the Luchows arrive, with Homer right behind them with the first load of little people and Otto is swept along with the others. The Duke is unsettled with all the people about; but Thorpe assures him that he's reserved the entire top floor, so they'll be safe. Outside, Nakamuri (Mako) -- the real spy -- arrives and asks the bellhop if he's seen a midget about. The bellhop smiles, opens the door, and tells him to take his pick -- the lobby is flooded with little people. Annie arrives last with the rest of the extras, but Henry can find no evidence of their reservations. He promises to help all he can and points out that Thorpe and his small party of three have reserved the entire top floor. Annie runs Thorpe down by the elevators, but refuses to help and is very coy as to why. Mr. Akido overheard all of this and offers Annie half of his group's rooms, saying his party can double up. After Annie thanks him, Akido asks what are all the little people for. She tells him about the movie and offers to let him read the script as a sign of thanks; but she'll need it back right away, so he offers her to dine with him that evening and he'll return it then. 

That evening, our entire cast is in the hotel's restaurant and the little people are really whooping it up. At their table, the Duchess realizes she's lost her prized pearl and frets very loudly. Sitting nearby, Akido sees that it has fallen into her liver pâté and says "The pearl is in the liver." Of course, Otto mishears this, due to Akido's accent, as the code. When he approaches, Akido thinks he's one of the actors and mistakes his propaganda for the script. Nakamuri watches as Otto slips the secret plans into the script, salute, then move on. He catches up with Otto, gives the code, and demands the map. Otto realizes he's futched up, but he's too late; Annie is at Akido's table, apologizing, as he gives the script, and the map, back to her. He toasts to the film's success, and after she leaves, Akido keels over, dead, into his food.

Thinking Annie is spy, too, the Axis agents think she killed Akido for the map. Actually, it was the Duke's bumbling Assassin who accidentally poisoned the wrong glass of wine. As the Axis plots, Annie herds her extras out of the restaurant; it's time to get over to the studio to get into make-up and costume for the morning shoot, and Otto is mistaken for one of the actors. Homer picks him up and carries him away, much to Nakamuri's delight. Soon, the restaurant is empty except for Thorpe, the Luchows, and the deceased Akido. The Duke thinks Akido is acting suspiciously, so Thorpe investigates and determines he's dead. He calls for Henry, who panics, but Thorpe says not to worry because it looks like a heart attack. Since he won't be drinking it, Tiny tries to finish Akido's wine but Henry knocks it away; but Strudel starts to lap up the poison as Thorpe escorts the Luchows out. Henry doesn't know what to do and decides to wait until his uncle gets back before calling the authorities. Tiny says that's a good idea, and takes care of the body, storing it in the walk-in freezer.

As the night wears on, the Luchow's lose yet another Strudel (I think we're up to Strudel the 21st by now.); the bungling Assassin misses yet again, shooting another Japanese tourist who falls right into Tiny's arms, who hides the new corpse inside the freezer, too; Otto returns and Nakamuri makes fun of his ridiculous costume, but Otto says it's the perfect disguise to get the script back from the woman. 

Unknown to them, Rollo overhears all this. He tries to find Annie and warn her, but the hotel has turned chaotic as the little people's party quickly spirals out of control (the prostitutes, booze, and toilet paper are freely flowing by now.) In Annie's room, the spies are ransacking for the script and make such a ruckus the Duke, one floor up, thinks it's the Assassin closing in. Thorpe promises to get to the bottom of it. Knocking on Annie's door, the spies escape out the window. After Thorpe forces his way in, Annie arrives, mistakes him for a burglar, and attacks. But Thorpe quickly subdues her, winding up on top of her on the bed. He produces his badge, hoping it will calm her down, while she asks if that's his gun in his pocket (but wasn't he wearing a shoulder holster? Oh, I get it.) Thorpe asks if she knows what the burglars were after, or if anything strange happened during the day? Considering she's riding shot-gun on 150 drunken and rowdy midgets, the only possible answer to THAT question could be something Rollo told her about some German film company trying to get their hands on her script. Sounding fishy, Thorpe asks to see the script. Then Henry enters, begging for help to rein in "the 150 little headaches" that have invaded his hotel and are on the verge of destroying it. Outside the window on the ledge, Nakamuri and Otto hear all this and determine that Thorpe and the Luchows must be spies as well (and we realize that if these clowns were the Axis' best, is it any wonder why we won the war?)

Looking for the party, Rollo and his new girlfriend, Lana (Pam Vance), follow the noise into the kitchen that has been overrun by drunken midgets. They sneak into the dumbwaiter for some privacy before Annie and Henry arrive and take in the devastation. Annie promises the studio will reimburse the hotel for all the damages, and then warns all her actors that if they don't settle down and get to their rooms, they'll all be fired. The kitchen quickly empties, but Annie spots someone outside the window and mistakes Otto for Rollo (they're wearing the same costume) and lets him inside. Lucking into his prey, Otto pulls a sword from his cane and demands that Annie turn over the map. Assuming he's just auditioning, she tells him to cool it because he's already got a part -- but with three quick cuts, her dress falls away (Wohoo! Princess Leia's nekkid!), leaving only her underwear (Ah, well. Wohoo! Princess Leia's almost nekkid!), and Annie realizes she's in real danger. Luckily, Rollo overhears this. Sending Lana Lana to find Thorpe, he then comes to Annie's defense. The two midgets fight and Rollo manages to get the upper hand -- until Nakamuri arrives and saves Otto, knocking Rollo out, even though the little Nazi nitwit swears he was winning. (He wasn't.) During the confusion, Annie tries to sneak away but they see her and pursue. Annie throws her dress on the steps leading out as a decoy, and sneaks into the freezer. It works; the spies head up the steps, so she's safe, but Annie has locked herself in the freezer, in her underwear, and can't get out.

On the top floor, Thorpe returns with another Strudel but, unknown to him, the Assassin hears the secret knock and plots from the shadows, when Lana flies by him screaming for Thorpe. Down in the kitchen, Annie screams as someone opens the freezer door. It's Thorpe, who rushes in to help. She tries to get by him to catch the door, but it slams shut, trapping them. Thorpe finds the lights and they find the bodies Tiny hid in there. The G-Man gives Annie his coat but she says they'll be warmer if they share it. She says what happened and he shows her why it happened: Thorpe found the secret map in her script. Annie can't believe this is really happening. He holds her closer, and the freezing cold finally breaks the ice between the two and they kiss.

Meanwhile, the Assassin uses the secret knock and makes his play. He is the last of his family of Assassins, while the Duke is the last Luchow, and since his father didn't kill the Duke's father, he must redeem the family name. The Duchess enters, temporarily saving the Duke by distracting the killer with the proper royal introductions, allowing her her husband to flee. The Duke calls for Tiny to hold the elevator; the Assassin produces a Tommy-gun from his black valise (all of his weapons were culled from this bottomless case.); the elevator is full of Japanese tourists, so the Duke runs down the stairs; the elevator door closes as the Assassin opens fire, spraying it with bullets; the door opens back up, all the tourists are dead, and Tiny sticks his head out and asserts he could have held the elevator. (Ba-dump-bump.)

The midget debauchery has grown out of control as they destroy the hotel and harass the help; Otis loses his elevator's cable and is compressed in the resulting crash; Henry gets stuck up in a chandelier trying to get a few flying monkeys down; and Tiny is overrun, tied down and staked out, by several little females promising him a good time (more on this scene later.) Amidst all this, the Duke tries to hide in the hotel barbershop, but the Assassin finds him. Before he can kill him, though, Nakamuri knocks him out with one deft chop. Otto corners the Duke and says the others will trade the map in exchange for his life. The Duke has no clue as to what they're talking about.

In the kitchen, Rollo lets Thorpe and Annie out of the deep freeze just as things were really *ahem* heating up. Thorpe tells Rollo to round up some help to look for the spies, while he escorts Annie to her room for a change of clothes. After Annie gets dressed, they hear the Duchess calling for the Duke and corral her; seems there really was an Assassin after them. Thorpe tells the women to wait in the room, but the Duchess can't sit idly by and leaves to look, too. Annie goes with her, and the women spy Strudel pawing at the barbershop door and assume the Duke is hiding inside, enter, and are captured. Three down, one to go, so Otto sets the bait again letting the dog back out.

Thorpe hears Strudel barking and is soon captured as well. The spies demand the map under penalty of death. Thorpe refuses -- even though Otto thrusts a revolver into his family jewels and threatens to "blow his brains out"!? Thorpe refuses to cooperate until Otto threatens to skewer Annie, so he confesses that he hid the map in Strudel's locket. Nakamuri rages at Otto's blundering and tells him to find the dog or he'll kill the little Nazi along with everyone else. Otto chases the uncooperative dog through the lobby, where Rollo is trying to rally the unbelieving midgets into a posse. Lana spies Otto, raises the alarm, and starts a midget stampede, chasing Otto who chases Strudel across the street and onto the movie lot.

Back in the barbershop, the Assassin recovers and aims his gun at the Duke. Nakamuri sees this and aims his camera at the assassin, who assumes he's getting his picture taken and strikes a pose -- but the camera is really a spy-gun. Both men fire, Thorpe knocks the Duke out of the way, and the killers manage to shoot each other dead. As the Duke and Duchess embrace, in total shock that the Assassin saved their lives, one of the midgets reports to Thorpe that they've chased the Nazi spy over to the movie lot. Thorpe and Annie leave the hotel just as Henry's uncle returns (who also fell victim to the midget stampede) and finds his hotel in ruins. Our couple follows the swathe of destruction the midget posse left in it's wake, through the lot. Ahead of them, the chase spills onto the Gone With the Wind set. Otto chases Strudel, who's trying to hide under Scarlett's bustle, chasing the dog in circles under the skirt, and then finally emerges, triumphant, holding the locket. Clark Gable watches the chaos and suggests they keep this scene in the picture.

Commandeering a truck, Otto tries to escape, but Rollo steals a buckboard and whips the horses to a gallop and tries to keep up. Annie spies Strudel running around the Emerald City set and chases after him. Thorpe yells at her to wait, he tricked the spies, because he had the map all along. He pulls it out to show her but it's windblown out of his hand. He goes to retrieve it just as Otto realizes the locket is empty. He spies Thorpe and tries to run him down but misses. Rollo, still in hot pursuit, has basically become irrelevant for the rest of the ride because he lost the reins. It's a runaway, and then the team breaks away from the wagon, the wagon stays on course, right towards Emerald City. As Annie screams for him to turn, Thorpe tackles her out of the way as the wagon and Rollo crash into the Emerald City gates and it all collapses in a heap on top of him...

...Okay. Whoever didn't see the next scene coming needs to turn in their movie stubs and reevaluate their lives...

...Rollo wakes up -- back in Kansas; it was all dream while he was unconscious after his fall. All his friends were in the dream (and you were there, and you too, hell, even I was there.) Tiny is there, and the Assassin, too, who really is the town doctor with his black medical bag; the Duke and Duchess are also there, but are really the store's humble owners. Henry's there, but he's a minister who plans to open the Rainbow Mission. Annie's there, as well, and engaged to Thorpe who asks if Rollo's ready to travel... They head outside where Homer is waiting for him. He's in charge of a busload of little people heading for Hollywood to shoot The Wizard of Oz. Inside he finds Otto, who's an agent, a theatrical agent, who promises him fame and fortune. Even Nakamuri's there and takes a snapshot of everyone before Rollo leaves. When Rollo boards the bus, he promises to return for the Thorpe's wedding. Then they all wave goodbye as the bus crawls onto the highway and heads west toward the sunset.

The End

I had a friend back in college, Endless Dave, who believed that any movie that had a midget in it automatically made it a good film -- or increased it's likeability factor x10. So a film with 150 little people has to be outstanding right? Uhm, well... I, uh, yeah.

I remember dragging my mom to the theater to see this back in 1981. I thought it was funny then, I was eleven, but after a decade of political corrective brainwashing one tends to cringe while watching it today. I still think it's funny, but can understand why it offends some. To those people I say, lighten up.

There are plenty of subtle and not so subtle hints that the film is all a dream. It's a farce and comedy of errors. And it is a farce and not a spoof. How do I know this? Well, the difference between a farce and a spoof is that, in a farce, someone, usually female, always winds up accidentally spending a good portion of the production in their underwear. And the biggest impression this film made on me had to be the scene in the kitchen when Carrie Fisher winds up in her underwear. (See! It's a farce.)  It was during these scenes that this little Jedi first experienced some non-comic code approved biological urges. (Yes, I admit it, I'm a pig.)

*sigh*

I think Fisher might still have been under the influence during this production, and Chase was just coming off Oh, Heavenly Dog and still a year away from becoming Clark Griswold for all eternity. Chase's film career is spotty at best, but, honestly, he does nothing to embarrass himself here. He's best when he's allowed to deadpan and he pulls it off here without relying on the smug "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not" attitude.

The movie is blessed with great supporting cast; especially Arkin and a slew of genre veterans like Mako, Mahre, Arden and Donner -- who is one of "those guys" that's in everything but you have no clue as to what his name is. Amongst the little people, you'll spy Phil Fondacaro, who's everywhere in horror films today, and Zelda Rubenstein who soon took up spiritual cleansing of Poltergeist infested houses over the next few years. The film's acting highlight, though, is the performance of the great Billy Barty as Otto. I love Barty as a comedic actor, not just a little person. Normally relegated to, forgive me, small bit parts, this role really let's him shine.

Pat McCormick had a hand in the script for this movie. Now, McCormick has a long history in comedy and wrote for The Tonight Show and Get Smart, but he's probably best known for playing Big Enos to Paul William's Little Enos in the Smokey and The Bandit films. Over my long and storied career of watching fringe cinema, I've been privy to several *ahem* stripper competitions on tape, and on more than one occasion McCormick has served as the lecherous MC. There are plenty of dirty and tasteless sex jokes that fly by in Under the Rainbow, mostly from McCormick's character (most of them involving sheep.) They're funny, but somewhere, in the back of my brain, a little voice tells me that McCormick wrote this film just as an excuse to get tied up by a bunch of female midgets. 

I'm probably wrong, but watch in later scenes when he's tied down and his bowler hat *ahem* strategically covers his crotch area; then cringe like I did.

The film does take a lot of heat these days from many fronts. It promotes racial stereotypes, has PETA in a knot for frivolously killing off dogs for laughs, and doesn't show little people in the best of lights. If it offends you, fine, don't watch it.

I do enjoy the film. Does that make me a bad person? Fine. I'm a bad person. But seriously, Under the Rainbow is a pretty frivolous affair and not worth the effort of protesting. And if we can get beyond that, the plot, even though it's predictable, is quite ingenious on how all the threads wind together without strangling each other as they all run hell bent for the climax. Twenty years of Wizard of Oz parodies on sit-coms and other TV shows have stolen a lot of the film's thunder, but there are still laughs to be had if you can check your PC ego at the door.

Posted: 07/23/03. Copy and paste at your own legal risk.

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