First
off, a quick apology for not reviewing
the Trinity
films in order. A mix up at the local Video
Kingdom had the rental tapes in the
wrong boxes. They
Call Me Trinity
was in the Trinity
is Still My Name
box and vice-a-versa. So sorry
everybody, but it’s not my fault. And
for the record, this is the sequel.
Our
film opens with three
desperados gathered around the campfire,
preparing dinner. A lone figure wanders
out of the desert and gets the drop on
them. They recognize Bambino -- the left
hand of the Devil (Bud
Spencer), and he wants to know if
they’re with the law. They aren’t --
they’re criminals on the run, just like
him. Which is good because he’s out of
ammo. Having a good laugh over the scare
he gave them, they loan him some
bullets. But as soon as he loads his
revolver, he gets the drop on them again.
Taking their money, their horses and the
beans they just cooked, when one of
them tries to stop him, he gets a savage
blow on top of the head. Thanking them for
the hospitality, Bambino rides off and the
credits roll.
While
the theme song warbles and croons, we meet
our second character ambling through the
desert. It’s Trinity -- the right hand
of the Devil (Terence
Hill). Actually, he’s asleep on
the liter being drug around by his
faithful horse that wanders into the same
camp, where a new batch of beans is almost
done. Trinity
wakes up and wants to know if they’re
criminals. And if they are, how much
they’re bounties are worth. He’s a
criminal, too, but just started -- and his
turkey-rustling has only put a $50 price
on his head. The criminals take pity on
this hapless dope, so instead of just
killing him, they decide to only wound him
and steal his horse. But
the dirty drifter is more than meets the
eye. He’s faster on the draw and steals
the last plate of beans. While sharing
them with his horse, he makes the other
three men fight, promising not to kill the
last man standing. During the ensuing fracas, he rides off...
*
* * *
When
most people think of spaghetti westerns,
images of Clint Eastwood adorned in his
poncho, chomping on a cigar, probably
filter into your mind's eye...And while
Ennio Morricone's wailing soundtrack
reaches a fevered pitch, he'd take aim at
a sweaty Eli Wallach and then his pistolas
would sound like a howitzer going off as
he did his dirty deeds.
That's
cool. These are strong images that only
add to the surreal, almost mythical
quality of this genre. Sergio Leone's Dollars
trilogy comprises three great films: A
Fist Full of Dollars,
For
a Few Dollars More
and The
Good, the Bad and the Ugly
and deserve a lot of recognition. I'm hard
pressed to think of any piece of cinema --
of any genre -- that can stand up
to the sheer fusion of the final
three-way duel in TGTBATU.
However, that's just the tip of the
iceberg to a treasure trove of
hyper-violent action yarns of the old West
as interpreted by our Italian friends. We
all know about the "Man with No Name."
But how about the coffin dragging Django?
Or Sartana? Or the bickering and
brawling brothers Trinity and Bambino?
No? Well, I hope to rectify that situation
in the next couple of weeks as we delve
into the world of spaghetti westerns well
beyond the range of Leone and Eastwood...
Trinity
and Bambino are on a collision course as
they both return home -- and the pair’s
hygiene and eating habits appear to be
hereditary! Their father (Harry
Carey Jr. -- a regular in a ton of John
Wayne films) is in a bad way, but
before he dies, he wants his two sons to
become famous outlaws -- together.
As a dying wish, he makes Bambino promise
to take Trinity under his wing and become
the world's greatest horse thieves. (Just
like their old man.) The
first thing Bambino does is make Trinity
lose the traveling bed, so he converts it
into a recliner for his saddle. As they
head north, the brothers come across a lone
wagon on the prairie. Bandit school is in, as
they don their masks and ride in to rob
the pioneers. Well, they try to rob them
but the family has no money. Sending
Trinity to search the wagon for valuables,
all he finds is an ample farmer's
daughter. The bandits take pity on the
family and help them fix the wagon. And
since their baby is really sick -- he's
got a terminal case of flatulence, Trinity
talks Bambino into giving them some
money.
With
their criminal careers off to a rocky
start, they head to the nearest town and
hit the saloon. Inside, they get into a
poker game with Wild Card Hendricks, a
notorious card shark. When Hendricks deals
the first hand, Trinity folds without even
looking at his cards. Bambino prepares to
up the ante, but realizes his brother’s
strategy and waits. The first hand goes to
the dealer. Trinity deals the next hand
and he proves a bigger card shark than
Hendricks. Everyone ups the pot until
Bambino’s hand is called: He’s got a
full house, but Hendricks has four sevens
and starts to collect the money -- until
Trinity reveals he has four aces.
Now
I may be reading too much into this, but
I think we’re supposed to realize how
good a card player Trinity really is. He
knows Hendricks is crooked, so he
immediately folds when Hendricks deals.
Bambino thinks his brother is just
bungling things again, until he realizes
what’s going on and holds his bet.
When Trinity deals, is it just luck that
three of the five poker-players draw
full houses? And the other two have four
pair? Is the dealer that good, or lucky,
to get the pot that big and just happen
to have all four aces in his hand? Yeah,
he's that good.
Hendricks
accuses Trinity of cheating and calls him
out. But Trinity is so fast he slaps
Hendrick's in the face before he can even
draw his pistol. Knowing he’s outclassed,
Hendricks slinks off. Winning the huge
pot, Bambino wants to buy Trinity a drink.
As they mosey up to the bar, Trinity
quickly draws his pistol and shoots a gun
out of Hendricks's hand -- without even
looking where he was firing! (The villain
had snuck back in and was trying to get
the drop on him.) Splurging some of their
winnings on some new threads, Trinity
spots the girl from the wagon. Though
dudded up,
she still recognizes them as the men who
tried to rob her family, but knows they
couldn’t be real robbers because they
were too nice. Trying to impress her,
Trinity says they’re really federal
agents on a special assignment -- and we
see that two gents overhear this fib,
grow concerned, and run off.
Telling
her family that the two men who helped
them are federal agents, Trinity let's
Bambino in on his little white lie. Then, in
a truly hilarious scene, the two make their way into a fancy
restaurant and make total pigs of themselves
-- that's eerily
reminiscent of Jake and Elwood at the
fancy restaurant in The
Blues Brothers.
All the while, they are under the
observance of some muckety-mucks who
decide that all government officials can
be bribed. Bribed for what? Hang on. All
will be explained.
The
head honcho, Murdoch, asks the two where
they’re headed next. Trinity says San
Jose -- that’s
where the pioneer family is headed, and
wherever the daughter goes, the smitten
Trinity goes. Murdoch offers them $4000 to
keep their eyes shut when they get there.
When they arrive in San Jose, they're
pegged as federal agents and mosey into a
saloon filled with lowlifes and cutthroats
-- who, of course, think
they’re lawmen. So it isn’t that long
before the barroom is in ruins after a
lengthy brawl. Trinity recognizes a couple
of the bandits, and hits upon the idea to
cash in on their bounties. Hauling a few
of them to the sheriff’s office, they
find out that every one of them is on
Murdoch's payroll. The sheriff, also on
Murdoch's payroll, warns them to make sure
to stay clear of the local monastery.
Thinking
they're real agents, some local peasants approach
them and ask if they'll look into
some strange goings on with the local
clergy: The monks are drinking, swearing
and fornicating -- and beat them up
whenever they try to confess. Something
screwy is definitely going on, so they
head over to the monastery -- but all they
find are some friendly monks doing what
monks normally do. Sending Bambino to
confession to make sure, the monk turns
white as Bambino confesses all of his sins
and transgressions. When the monk raises
his arm to absolve him, Bambino mistakes
it for an attack and clobbers him --
destroying the confessional booth in the
process. All seems normal, but Trinity
still thinks there’s something screwy
going on. Bambino says they need to move
on, and sends Trinity over to Apache
Springs to scout out the stagecoach so
they can rob it. Instead, Trinity returns
to the monastery and finds that the
pioneer family has set up camp there.
While meeting the girl for a little
snuggling, they're interrupted when a
wagon and some riders storm into the
monastery. The rowdy newcomers are dressed
as monks, but it’s pretty obvious they
haven’t taken the vows: They bully the
other monks around and pull a secret stash
of rifles from out of the monastery’s
well.
The
head bandito produces a large bag of cash
as payment for the guns -- that Murdoch
will come to collect in the morning, but
Trinity gets the drop on them and
confiscates the money. The head bandito
warns Murdoch will never let him get away
with it. Well aware of that, he knows he's
gonna need his brother's help. But Bambino
doesn’t like the odds and decides to
dump the agent scam and move back to
robbing stages. And under the threat of
bodily violence, Trinity is encouraged to
take the company line on his new plan. He
agrees, but starts a plan of his own...
While
Bambino poses as a stage passenger, giving
them an inside man, Trinity is supposed to
hold it up. When Trinity hits the stage,
he only takes Bambino’s money. He then
rides off back to the monastery and waits.
And it isn’t long before Bambino storms
up to the monastery gate, with every
intention of dismembering his brother. Trinity
quickly calms him down with the promise of
big payoff if he'll listen to his plan.
When
Murdoch and his men approach the monastery
to collect his money, the head monk
won’t let them in unless they take off
their gun belts. Not expecting any
trouble, Murdoch orders his men to leave
their guns outside. Upon entering the
monastery, they don't realize they're
being locked inside. Murdoch heads to the
well but finds it empty -- the money and
the guns are gone. Since the monks won’t
tell him what happened, he orders his men
to kill them all. They’ll need their
guns to do this, but the two monks by the
door won’t move -- and prove to be the
only ones in the compound who are armed.
Trinity and Bambino throw back their habit
hoods, and order everyone to put their
hands up. One of the villains has a knife
and grabs the girl. But instead of turning
their guns over to Murdoch, the two
brothers just heave them over the wall.
Murdoch takes his money from Bambino and
they turn their attention back to the
locked door. (One
monk snuck out and locked it from the
outside.)
The
farmer has a rifle and gives it Trinity --
but he only has one bullet. Bambino wants
the money back and charges into the men,
triggering a long brawling sequence where
everybody plays "keep away" with
the moneybag. Amazingly,
the two hold their own against the horde.
Bambino throws bodies around and gongs
people over the top of the head -- and
they drop like a sack of potatoes once
hit. The mayhem continues unabated until a
company of Rangers ride in and restores
order. When the lead monk introduces the
head Ranger to the alleged federal agents,
the lawman swears he’s seen the big one
before: He looks just like a horse thief
they’ve been looking for. Trinity
distracts him by giving him the large sack
of money, and all the bounties they
collected while posing as lawmen. Then the
two quickly leave.
Broke
and dejected, the two ride off. Trying to
cheer his brother up, Trinity swears that
things will get better and promises they'll
rob the very first people they see.
Rounding the next hill, they spot the same
poor pioneer family in trouble again.
Bambino shakes his head in disgust as
Trinity rides off to help.
The
end
My
first introduction to the mythical and
surreal world of the spaghetti western
hearkens way back to the 1970’s, when my
dad drug the entire family clan to the Rivoli
for a double feature of They
Call Me Trinity and Trinity
is Still My Name.
These proved such a big hit with my
brothers and me that we would spend hours
playing "Trinity" in the
back yard: Brother Brad got to be Trinity.
Brother Terry got to be Bambino. So guess
who got his head kicked in every time we
played this game...
Childhood
trauma aside, I’ve always loved the
slapstick antics of Hill and Spencer.
They’ve made at least a dozen of these
films -- set in different time periods,
taking place all over the world -- yet all
of their films follow the exact same
formula. And yet, somehow, it has never
grown stale for me. Hill
was always a sly deadbeat, who knew more
than he let on. Spencer was a surly brute,
and always managed to be one step ahead of
everyone else -- usually the law. Hill
would then get into trouble, while Spencer
wants nothing to do with him or his
problems. They’d eat. They’d fight.
They’d fart. Hill would have an
obligatory love interest and get into more
trouble, and then they’d eventually join
forces and the film would end in a big
brawl with Spencer gonging people over the
head.
Now,
before they were Trinity and Bambino, they
were Cat and Hutch. They first teamed up
in Blood
River
-- a more traditional spaghetti western,
but the genre was losing steam and began a
drastic shift in gears from tales of
deadly assassins to slapstick comedy. It
took a couple of films -- Boot
Hill
and Aces
High
-- but they finally got the formula right
with They
Call Me Trinity,
and they’ve been making them ever since.
Trinity
is Still my Name
was it’s immediate sequel, and officially,
these are the only two Trinity
movies -- but a lot of their other films
were tagged with the Trinity
name to cash in on their enormous
popularity in the States. Hill -- who's
real name is Mario Girotti, is a very
gifted physical comedian. Spencer -- who's
real name is Carlo Pederosoli, doesn’t
get enough credit as an actor for the
burly characters he always plays. Spencer
-- not Hill, is the main reason I love
their films.
Hill
eventually made a few films in the States
to cash in on his notoriety, but they
didn’t do very well. I’ve seen Mr.
Billion,
so I know why: They wasted the guys
enormous physical talents by having him
play the lead into what boils down to a
romantic comedy. And I’m reminded of the
disastrous attempt to Hollywoodize
Roberto Benigni in Son
of the Pink Panther
-- a truly awful film. I’ve never seen
any of Spencer’s solo projects, but
I’ve seen a couple of Hill's -- Lucky
Luke,
Mr.
Billion,
March
or Die
-- so I feel I can safely say that
these two guys really need each other to
play off of. Their films -- like all
foreign imports, lose a little in the
translation. And as a viewer, you’ll be
asked to accept some quantum leaps in plot
logic and continuity, but tough it out.
It’s well worth it.
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