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Okay.
What we have here is a horror movie.
--
An
independent horror movie shot on
video.
--
An
independent horror movie shot on video
that's written, directed, and stars the
same guy.
--
An
independent horror movie shot on video,
that's written, directed and stars the
same guy about a group of people trapped
in a secluded place that may be haunted by
demonic forces.
--
An
independent horror film shot on video,
that's written, directed and stars the
same guy, about a group of people trapped
in a secluded place that may be haunted by
demonic forces, and are picked off by an
unknown killer -- who may be one of them
or said demonic forces.
--
And did
I mention these people consist of a rock
band, their roadies, and their
girlfriends?
Whoa.
Wait. Sit down. Come back. You only think
you've seen this movie before, but -- and
this might come as a shock to you, the
film is actually pretty good, and, dare I
say, kinda original in its thinking and
execution:
Martin
Solo (Jeff
Thomas -- the aforementioned writer and
director) is haunted by terrible
dreams. These nightmares usually
involve...things attacking,
savaging, and eviscerating him until he
wakes up. Now, are these dreams or
prophetic visions? Let's find out...
Solo
is a member of a band that's gathering at
an abandoned women's academy to record
their next album -- something about
bitchin' acoustics. (The
biggest thing we'll have to swallow for
the movie.) Plagued by the usual
creative in-squabbling, the band members
all head to separate corners -- in this
case, exploring different parts of the
building -- while their tech-guys set up
the recording equipment. The
haunted history of the academy comes out
slowly as several members, including Solo,
shoot-up with heroin to pass the time
while the others unearth clues. Then
things start to
get...a...little...weird...
While
exploring, they discover a room circled
with mounted picture frames. Most of these
frames are empty, now, but will
'magically' fill up as the film progresses
-- showing how each member of the party
will die.
Trapped
in this secluded spot -- something has
removed the entire engine blocks from all
their cars, people start disappearing. And
dying. Violently.
At
first, everyone suspects that one of them
is responsible, but the mounting evidence
-- like all the hell creatures with axes
running amok -- point to something
supernatural. And while the body count
rises, the conundrum of what's behind the
massacre reaches a fever pitch as we go
barreling toward the climax. Is one of
them really behind it? Is it the
slobbering hell creatures with the axes?
Or is this just another one of Solo's
nightmares?
The
End?
Earlier
this year I came down with a bad case of
the flu. A REAL bad case of the
flu. One night, while trying to sleep, I
was "shakin'-n-bakin'" with a
105-degree temperature, and as my brain
slowly cooked, and my body twitched and
tweaked, I was plagued by some very bad
fever dreams. Some VERY bad fever
dreams:
The
worst one that I can remember was being
trapped on a burning plain -- fire and
black smoke everywhere, and a large
demonic presence, a thing of living
blackness, was seizing and flopping live-bodies
down on a giant stone slab, and then would
whack away at them with a fiery
sledgehammer. The demon thing's mouth was
full of fire and yet it yelled, loudly,
while pummeling away at its hapless
victims. I remember hearing the crackle of
bones crunching, and the wet punch of
'meat' being pulverized to a pulp. And
when the demon finally cast its gaze on
me, thankfully, I woke up; drenched in
sweat, my ears ringing empty, and my skull
felt like it was about to crack open. Whew.
Time for another Tylenol.
Many
a filmmaker with good intentions have
tried to make a horror movie in the vein
of a fever dream or delirium. Most fail,
often with unintentionally hilarious
results. That is not the case with Jeff
Thomas's 13
Seconds;
one of the better film versions of a
'nightmare' I've ever seen. And like when
you're enduring a bad nightmare, it's hard
to get your bearings, let alone keep them,
in this movie. Thomas knows all the horror
clichés and uses that to his advantage by
twisting around what you think you're
seeing and what's going to happen. Smart
film viewers, like myself, who've seen way
too many horror movies like to think we've
seen it all and can guess the outcome of
the film by the end of the first reel. I
thought I had 13
Seconds
figured out at least thirteen times -- and
each time I was wrong. The ending got me.
A sucker-punch that I didn't see coming.
And a tip of the beer mug to all those
involved.
A
commercial director by trade, Thomas
assaults us with bizarre framing,
interesting angles, and effective
lighting. His experience serves him well
because in the hands of an amateur, some
of the stunts and set-ups would have
fallen apart. He does hover precariously
close to the edge of being too avant-garde,
or weird for weirds sake, though. But just
when it starts to get pretentious, he'd
pull something out of his ass and creep
the crap out of you again.
Now,
aother problem with most independent
features, especially the horror movies, is
the brand of actors you find populating
them. But Thomas has a competent troupe,
though, who keeps things nice and subdued.
No wild-eyed hysterics, scenery chewing or
self-awareness here. Some complain the
acting is too subdued and wooden. I think
the performances are fine, but the problem
is in the audio; it sounds like the movie
was ADR'd and the dialogue is, noticeably,
not quite in synch.
I'd
like to point out more flaws but there
really aren't any. The acting is fine, the
script is wonky -- but it has to be to
justify what's going on. The direction is
good and the special-effects are great.
And if I could change one thing, I would
just try to just tighten it up a little
bit. Sometimes the pacing in the film
seems a little plodding. Yes, it does take
a little bit to set things up, but once
the ball starts rolling, hang on.
When
you get right down to it, what 13
Seconds
is, and what it reminds me of the most of,
is a modern version of Herk Harvey's Carnival
of Souls.
(And that's a very high compliment
in my book.) It's a nightmarish
quagmire that just when you think you've
got it figured it out, it does the exact
opposite, and then kicks you in the head
at the end. It is full of weird, creepy,
and downright spooky stuff that gets under
your skin and, like all bad nightmares,
takes awhile to forget.
I
hope I haven't spoiled too much here.
There is a mystery running throughout all
of 13
Seconds
while the bodies are piling up. The clues
are all there, but the schizophrenic
approach will keep you guessing until the
climax. Credit to Thomas for not
wimping out in the end.
When
this thing does get released, and I have
no doubt that it will, I might revisit it
and tear into all the subliminal and weird
and wonky stuff that can be found here;
but I can't get into without spoiling too
much. Thomas appears to have a knack for
the genre, with some fresh ideas that with
a little fine-tuning could really be
something special and give a floundering
genre a much needed boost. This a new
breed of horror movie, where the camp and
humor are long gone, that more people need
to see.
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