Okay, sing it with me:

Sorry. Try as a might, I could not decipher that last part of the chorus. To me, it's sounds something like "He's a hairy-knuckled demon" but I don't believe that's quite right. Several people have e-mailed in, and according to them, the actual lyrics go "So beware any demons!" Sounds good to me:

Our first episode, Atlantis Under Attack, begins in that fabled underwater city. The Sacred Trident of Neptune -- the symbol of royalty and leadership, has been stolen. Prince Namor, the fabled Sub-Mariner, must face the fact that Vashti, his trusted grand vizier, is the prime suspect because he, too, is missing. (And that's an awful lot of commas for one paragraph.)

Namor can't believe that his trusted advisor would betray him, so along with his beloved Lady Dorma, they search for clues to exonerate their friend. But all they can find in the chamber where the Trident (a diamond studded pitchfork) was kept is a chunk of amethyst from the Dreaded Caverns. Namor believes Vashti has been caught up in some kind of plot to overthrow him. Dorma thinks the rock was planted there to lure Namor away into a trap. Namor doesn't disagree, but he must help Vashti. Dorma offers to go with him, but Namor tells her to stay put and keep an eye on things while he's gone -- because there is treachery afoot.

He's right. As Namor swims off, he's under the watch of the Warlord Attuma -- the one who really stole the Trident. He also kidnapped Vashti and secluded him in the Dreaded Caverns, under the guard of the hideous Man-Monster. Attuma is confident that Namor won't survive the encounter. In fact, he might not even make it to the Dreaded Caverns because he's got to cross the Sea Forest, with all the carnivorous plants, first. 

Namor is attacked by some killer vines and a giant, man-eating clam. While he fights off the flora and fauna, Vashti is trapped in the Dreaded Caverns between the Man-Monster and The Bottomless Pit of Perdition. Meanwhile, without it's protector, Atlantis is quickly overrun by the rebels and Attuma claims himself the new Emperor. Our hero escapes both the plant and the clam, but now must confront the Man-Monster.

Lady Dorma manages to sneak out of Atlantis to warn her Prince of Attuma's treachery. She makes her way to the Sea Forest, but quickly gets stuck and starts sinking into the Quagmire of Doom. After a brief skirmish, Namor knocks the Man Monster into The Bottomless Pit of Perdition and rescues Vashti. Swimming back to Atlantis they are intercepted by a school of fish. Namor recognizes this Lassie tactic and deduces that Dorma is in trouble. He sends Vashti on ahead while he rescues Dorma in the nick of time. 

Vashti blunders into Atlantis and is quickly recaptured, but he won't reveal Namor's whereabouts. Attuma says he'll regret that decision, because now, he has to resort to torture and calls for his Iron Idol of Infamy (a fancy name for an iron maiden) to be brought over from his old place. Dorma fills Namor in on Atlantis' fall into enemy hands. Spotting Attuma's men hauling the huge Idol into Atlantis, Namor recognizes it, and in an amazing leap of deduction, realizes it's meant for Vashti and attacks. 

A short while later, the Iron Idol of Infamy is rolled into the palace. But Namor used it as Trojan Horse and quickly dispatches Attuma. Their leader fallen, Attuma's men quickly surrender. Loyal Vashti gets to decide his punishment: and Attuma is to be banished with a silver bell soldered around his neck, to remind him that a shameful defeat is worse than death. 

After a rousing second dose of the Sub-Mariners theme song, the second episode, Dr. Doom's Day, begins. 

It begins in Latveria; Dr. Doom's country of origin. He's outraged because Earth's Allies for Peace are opening up a brand new headquarters. Doom plans to counter this Alliance for Peace with an Army of Evil. Cranking up his High Frequency Emotional Charger, he manipulates Earth's super-villains into attacking all at once, and promises to turn the Peace Day into The Final Destruction Day. 

The grand opening of the Peace Building gets off to a rocky start. Charles Xavier, the mutant telepath, and leader of the X-Men, senses they're about to be attacked. The floor erupts, and out spills the Mole Man and his mindless subterraneans. Professor X summons his X-Men: Cyclops, Marvel Girl, Beast, Angel and Iceman, and they quickly rout the Mole Man's forces and force them back down into the hole that the Ice-Man quickly plugs up. 

I'm sure this appearance by the original X-Men will be a severe disappointment to some, because the video box claims a guest cameo by the X-Men that prominently features Wolverine on both the front and back covers!

But the Mole Man is only the tip of the iceberg. The bad guys come from everywhere: The Mandarin and his deadly rings, and the electrically charged Electro! The Grey Gargoyle, Kang, the Unicorn, the Black Knight, The Mad Thinker and his Awesome Android, and countless more. Luckily, the X-Men aren't the only heroes at the ceremony. The Mighty Thor shows up, and with his trusty hammer, dispatches the slimy Super-Skrull. The battle is also joined by Iron Man and the Avengers: Captain America, Quicksilver, The Scarlet Witch, and the famed archer -- and terminal wiseass, Hawkeye.

The balance of battle is about to be tipped, though, because from out of the ocean, Attuma (who appears to have recovered from his earlier shellacking) surfaces with his rebel army, ready to conquer the surface world. Next comes the fascists agents of Hydra, carrying a deadly Vortex bomb, on a speeding truck. The tide turns when The Angel commandeers the truck. Redirecting it, he crashes the truck into the ocean where the vortex bomb explodes, sucking Attuma's army back into the murky depths from whence it came. 

While the heroes mop up what's left of his Army of Evil, Dr. Doom heads to Atlantis and dupes Namor, the Sub-Mariner (this is his cartoon remember), into becoming allies, and together, they can conquer the world. (Namor has been narrating this story and he prefaces it by saying it took place back when he was at odds with the surface world.) Namor agrees, and Doom gives him a magnetic doohickey called the Grabber. He tells Namor to plant it in the Peace Building, and then he'll take care of the rest. 

Bluffing his way into the Peace Building, Namor comes to seek the hero's trust. Professor X doesn't trust him, and with good reason. After Namor plants the device, the building shakes violently. Too late the heroes realize that the entire building has been seized in a magnetic field and is slowly being towed into space. Yes -- the whole building is being towed into space by Dr. Doom's rocket plane. (That's one fine piece of structural engineering.)

Realizing that Dr. Doom has double crossed him, Namor sides with the heroes. Dr. Doom gloats that soon they'll all be dead because there's no oxygen in outer space, and just to be sure, he's going to send the building on a crash-course with the sun. Time is running out, but by using a handy meteor shower, Namor leap frogs up to Doom's rocket and fights through his defenses. Doom's last device is an immense electrical charge, but Namor conducts it, like an eel, and redirects back toward Doom -- shorting out his power suit. Doom manages to escape and hitches a ride on one of the meteors to parts unknown. 

Letting him go, Namor has more pressing matters to attend to; like getting the Peace Building back down to a more breathable altitude. He succeeds, and the episode ends with him pledging with the other heroes that someday, hopefully, they can all live in peace.

The End

The Sub-Mariner was one of Marvel Comic's flagship characters. He fought alongside Captain America and the first Human Torch against the Nazis and Japs in World War II. He also successfully made the transition to the newer continuity, along with Cap, after The Fantastic Four started Marvel's innovative golden age in the '60s. 

When he came back, he alternated almost weekly from being a hero or a villain. In his own title, he was fighting treachery in Atlantis. In other mags, he was a troublemaker, invader of the surface world, and a frequent tormentor of The Fantastic Four, because he had a thing for The Invisible Girl. However, the character could never carry a solo title for very long. He's had three failed attempts at his own series and shared a title with The Hulk, but was eventually dumped. Since then, he's served as a member in several team books, including The Defenders and The Avengers.

In 1966, Marvel Comics teamed with Gantry/Lawrence Animation Studios to bring their new, and immensely popular super-heroes to the small screen. They all made there debut on The Marvel Super-Heroes Show to the tune of "The Merry Marching Marvel Society" song. All of Marvel's big guns at the time were featured in their own serialized adventures: The Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Captain America and the Sub-Mariner all had their show. The Fantastic Four and Spider-Man had their own animated series at the time, too. Unfortunately, back then, The X-Men and Dr. Strange were strictly second bananas and left out.

What everyone remembers mostly about these old cartoons are the loopy theme songs and the minimal animation involved. In fact, all the animation consists of is taking old drawings by Marvel greats like Jack Kirby, Don Heck, Lew Ayres, and Joe Sinott, and panning the camera over them. You'd occasionally get a moving body-part -- often with unintentionally hilarious results. (See the Ice-Man illustration above.) Couple that with a bombastic musical score, and the hilarious gonging sound-effects -- that are spelled out on the screen, like the old Batman TV show, makes it really depressing that these series only lasted a meager 13-episodes.

The voice talents never get a screen credit, but there are plenty of familiar regulars voicing the characters. One voice is unmistakable: John Vernon is clearly recognizable as several characters -- including Sub-Mariner and Iron Man. I also recognize the very familiar Ted Cassidy roar in several spots. 

The plots are lifted straight from the comics. Stan Lee's stories play out great on the comic book panels, but are extremely corny on the screen. I mean -- the The Bottomless Pit of Perdition? The Iron Idol of Infamy? C'mon. And the scripts are very repetitive as the characters constantly remind you where they're going, and spell out what they're doing. It is corny, melodramatic, and even a bit maudlin, but it's still a fairly good time. 

The first episode on the tape is gleaned from the pages of Tales to Astonish -- a comic where the Ant-Man and The Wasp originated, but was later shared by Subby and The Hulk. Subby was eventually dropped and the title officially changed to The Incredible Hulk around issue #100 (and I've been reading old green skin ever since!) 

The second is kind of a bastardized version of the classic Fantastic Four Annual #3. Instead of congregating for the opening of the Peace Building, all of Marvel's heroes were headed to the Baxter Building for the wedding of Reed Richards and Sue Storm (a/k/a Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Girl of the fabled Fantastic Four.) Dr. Doom was trying to spoil the wedding, but failed. It was Marvel's first company wide crossover and Battle Royale! The latter part of the episode is taken from earlier issues of The Fantastic Four, when Namor was duped by Dr. Doom into planting the magnetic device in the Baxter Building. Beyond that, it's a fairly faithful adaptation of the comics.

As animated adventures go, these old static cartoons fail pretty miserably. But as time capsules, they're beautiful. I love Marvel Comics and it's rich and storied history. I'm constantly tearing through the Essential Collections -- the black and white reprints of old Marvel comics. (The Marvel Masterworks are in full color but way too expensive.) I've seen episodes of Cap, Subby, Iron Man, and Thor, and I'm on the look out for the Hulk. I hope someone out there is listening and gets all the episodes released in DVD box-set. There are plenty of comic-book nuts like myself that are -- despite the technical shortcomings, completely gonzo for this kind of stuff. 

Posted: 05/11/02. Copy and paste at your own legal risk.

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