Watch at Your Own Risk
Not Responsible For Any Side-Effects!
     

Start Flinging the Fecal Matter!

Kong deserved better than this. Our Mad Mammoth Monkey Marathon tackles five international flavored knock-offs.
 
     
     

While talking about the gorilla attack, Robert conveys there wasn’t something quite right about it: the apes didn’t act like real apes, and appeared to have a plan of attack! The film then gets even more cryptic as Ursula warns Burt against violating ancient taboos. And we, as the audience, give up and pop open another cold one, hoping less sobriety will somehow help this film make more sense...

 
     

Great Britain: Konga

In the greenhouse -- unable to hear a fifty-foot gorilla destroy his house a few feet away, Decker is still trying to have his way with Sondra. Konga jealously watches them through the glass roof and then breaks in. While seizing Decker -- well, a doll that kind of looks like Decker -- Sondra is knocked into the mutant plants and when last seen was up to her armpit in a giant Venus flytrap...
 
     

The Peking Man’s first public appearance causes a panic. But the crowd calms down once they realize that Samantha can control the great beast. Lu Tiem then makes arrangements to take the monster to Hong Kong and put him on exhibition. Oh, yeah, this is gonna end in fire...
 
     

Kong arrives on scene with his patented war hoop and thumps his chest in a challenge to the dinosaur. And as we get our first full body shot of Kong, we are struck by the strange proportions of this animal. And if the sight of that huge head, broad shoulders and long arms perched on those tiny little legs doesn’t bring a smile to your face, then check your pulse because you may be dead...
 
     

Korea: A*P*E

Cradled in the monkey’s paw, Marilyn pleads, "Be gentle big fella," and then strikes a disturbingly prostate pose in his hand. When the ape sits her down, she scrambles into a narrow cave. The ape tries to grab her but his large hand won’t fit into the tiny hole. Now is the film trying to tell us something here? I hope not. Paging Dr. Innuendo. Code Blue. Dr Innuendo -- You're needed in the mismatched metaphor room. Stat!