It seems young Billy doesn't want to go to sleep. Is it because he's not tired or is there another, more sinister reason for not wanting to go to bed? (Is that a Calcinator death-ray your constructing with your erector-set young man?)

Despite his protests mom puts him to bed, turns out the lights and closes the door leaving Billy alone in the dark bedroom. Billy's imagination gets the better of him as the shadows start to resemble dark and evil things. (Been messing with the ancient ones again young man?) He springs from his bed and calls for mom.

Mom comes a running as a friendly narrator (James Brill) chimes in and laughs at Billy's behavior then reminds us that fear is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Billy begs Mom to leave the lights on just for tonight (to keep Yog-Kothag at bay.) He denies being afraid of the dark but Mom backs up the narrator saying being scared is nothing to be ashamed of. (Nothing to be ashamed of but will get you laughed at in most circles.)

Mom comforts the boy by relating a near disastrous day in the kitchen when a grease fire almost killed them all if not for the quick actions of pop (who put down the bourbon long enough to dowse the flames.) Mom explains that fear is a warning sign. It's nature's way of telling you to avoid danger.

This leads to another flashback of Billy at school playing catch with friends. Billy air-mails a throw and it lands on top of the roof. The other kids triple-dog dare him to get it down but Billy's scared to climb up that high. Mom says Billy's fear in that case was good common sense to avoid unnecessary danger. She's also proud of him for not caving in to peer pressure and looking foolish in front of his friends (a whole other kind of fear that really plagues this country today.)

Mom then says there's another kind of fear - being chicken when there's nothing really to be chicken about. She asks Billy if he can think of an example of this.

Billy relates the tale of Kathy Lewis who has an irrational fear of dogs. He was playing with a friendly dog and asked her to join him but she panicked and ran away (the sissy!) 

Mom then relates another story about Keith Hogan who was scared to swim but there was nothing to really fear (except for a little thing called drowning and the possibility of being eaten by sharks.) Then there was the little matter of Frank Campbell who hid out in his basement because his report card stunk and he was afraid to confront his parents fearing they wouldn't love him any more because he's not very bright.

Eventually Kathy got over her fear of dogs because her father bought her a puppy (at least he didn't buy her a pitbull.) And Keith eventually learned how to swim (after being constantly thrown in the water and ordered to sink or swim.) And Frank's parents worked with him to get his grades back up. (YOU FORGOT TO CARRY THE TWO! DO YOU THINK THEY LET YOU USE REMAINDERS IN THE REAL WORLD, MISTER! WELL GUESS AGAIN!!!)

Mom reminds Billy that the best way to get over your fears is to talk about them with someone you trust (not someone who'll spread it around and ruin the rest of you're natural life.) She then asks Billy if there is anything he'd like to talk about.

Billy admits that it isn't really the dark he's afraid of but being left alone (and those nights when all those bed spring noises come for you and dad's room. What's that all about?) Mom promises that they'll never leave him and will always be there for him. 

With that promise she tucks Billy back in to bed. She offers to leave the light on but he tells her to just leave the door open a crack instead. She shuts the lights off and leaves. Billy shuts his eyes and goes to sleep dreaming of his Calcinator death-ray (and we hear something wet and slithery gain footing under the bed. Was that a tentacle?)

The narrator chimes back in and asks if Billy will be better off after his talk with Mom. He checks off five questions for us but the answer to each is a disappointing "probably not."

The End

Before the advent of the VCR when a teacher wanted to show their class a film they had to be herded into the film room where a large screen and film projector waited.

That's the way it was at old Holstein Public. On film day we marched into the room single file and took our seats in the uniform rows of hard plastic chairs. The teacher would then fire up the old projector, the synch sound warbled and hissed over the mono-speaker, the film popped from the heat of the projector light then the scratchy feature spooled up. The countdown came up and we gleefully counted off the numbers until the film proper began.

On one particular day the film concerned the Parkers - a happy family of four; Dad, mom, Billy and young Sally (or something like that.) They were a happy family and had a good life. Dad made the money, mom kept the house and Billy and Sally did what kids do (whatever that may be.)

We watched a day in the life of this family as they interact, laugh and play but then the narrator turned ominous. After the family tucks itself in for the night the narrator says Dad had made one fatal mistake. The house wasn't equipped with smoke detectors. 

That night, as the family slept peacefully, a fire breaks out. The neighbors saw the flames and called the fire department. 

Why didn't the Parkers call the fire department?

BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL DEAD!!!!

The camera then moved slowly from room to room showing each family member, accented by a loud dissonant sting on the soundtrack, splayed out, dead, from smoke inhalation. 

As we watched horrified the narrator pounded it into our impressionable skulls that all of this could have been prevented with a simple smoke detector. So, after school, a dozen First graders, probably scarred for life, went home to beg and plead with mom and dad to equip their homes with these all important smoke detectors.

This was my introduction to the educational short. Looking back I assume that this film was probably sponsored or made by a company that made smoke detectors. 

I'm sure we've all got a similar story. Over the years I've run the full gambit of these educational shorts from hygiene, the horrors of drugs, road safety to sex education (you know, the ones when the girls had to go see a film on one day then the boys the next.) 

Throughout the month of August we'll be viewing and poking fun at all kinds of shorts from educational to exploitation and all points in between. Who made them? Where did they come from? And why? 

So sit back, reminisce and try to find out, like me, where we went wrong and boggle why you aren't dead. 

Yet.