We begin on the open road, as Hank and Tina drive to the beach. They soon find themselves surrounded by the local motorcycle club and Tina (Marilyn Clarke) flirts with them, much to Hank’s (John Scott) annoyance. Hank gives his MG convertible some gas and leaves the cycles in the dust.

They arrive at "Party Beach" and Tina produces a bottle and takes a long swig. Hank sternly tells her to lay off the booze, which triggers a nasty spat. (We get the impression they’ve had this fight before.) Tina misses the campus big shot, who liked to party, while Hank tells her it’s time to grow up and start acting her age.

Things start to get a little cryptic when Tina accuses Hank about his plans for the future -- and some bizarre lab experiments he’s involved with. Tina promises to try a few experiments of her own. (Whatever that means; but I’ve got a pretty good idea.) I think they just broke up.

We abruptly switch to a garbage scow, off shore, that has just reached "the spot." We sinisterly notice that they are a carrying a load of radioactive waste and it’s pretty obvious what its destination is. This is quickly confirmed when they start chucking barrels over the side. (Not to worry. I’m sure they’re government approved and won’t leak for a thousand eons.)

The first barrel hits the bottom where the cork immediately plops out -- allowing toxic sludge to spill into the ocean. The swill washes over a shipwreck and a displaced human skull. After a loooong transformation sequence, the skull mutates into the goofiest looking screen monster this side of Ro-Man. (As Tom Servo put it so nicely, "I see that radiation has a sense of humor.") The google-eyed fish monster, it's mouth stupefyingly stuffed with bratwursts, stands up and starts to stalk the ocean floor. (THIS is the Horror of Party Beach? Oh, boy.)

We switch back to the beach as the local denizens shimmy and shammy to the rocking tunes of the dynamic Del-Aires. (Only the greatest friggin' b-movie rock-n-roll band ever. For more on them, check out the official Del-Aires Fan Page.) As good as the band is, and how goofy the monster looks, however, what's equally as frightening is the dancing and misfires of rhythm that are attempted by the locals; as men in short shorts and anorexic women flail around in some kind of stupor.

Tina joins the dance and bumps Elaine (Alice Lyon) out. The motorcycle gang has made there way to the beach, too, so Tina starts to flirt with them again. Disgusted with her, Hank leaves to take in the sights. Elaine follows him and we find out that Hank works for her father, Dr. Gavin. They exchange some very stilted dialogue about Tina, until a commotion attracts them back to the dance.

They arrive to find Tina doing a dance for the leader of the pack that might get her arrested in several states. Hank thinks she’s getting a little too fresh and intercepts her, saying they’re leaving. The biker has other ideas. He sucker punches Hank and kicks sand in his face while he’s down. (What is this? A Charles Atlas ad?)

Hank retaliates and the inevitable rumble breaks out between the beachniks and the bikers. Unfathomably, as disturbing as their dancing is, their fighting prowess and techniques will send you straight to your shrink. I think my favorite part is when the bikers use their leader as a battering ram and run Hank over. (Sharp eyes will also spot the Ambiguously Gay duo amongst the brawlers, as well.)

Hank and the biker decide to settle things, mano-a-mano, so the others give them room. A few more disturbing, Shatner-inspired, choreographed fight scenes later, the lifeguards finally (and mercifully) break it up. Tina tries to apologize to Hank but he’s had enough of her shenanigans and dumps her. She turns to the biker but he leaves her, too. All alone, Tina celebrates her new found independence by stripping down to her bathing suit and swims out to a rocky outcropping just off shore.

Back on the beach, The Del-Aires crank up "The Zombie-Stomp" (only the best friggin' b-movie rock-n-roll song ever) and the locals try to dance again (god bless 'em.)

The police don’t believe the witnesses, who say a monster killed Tina, but feel it had to be a shark attack. (We’ve got to close the beaches.) They decide to ask Dr. Gavin for some help. They run some samples (of what?) to his house for testing.

Dr. Gavin (Allan Laurel) is in the midst of one of those father daughter talks with Elaine. She is on her way to Tina’s funeral but feels guilty because Tina isn’t even cold yet and she has hot feelings for Hank. (It is at this point that I say, as the heroine, Elaine is the creepiest one I’ve ever witnessed on screen.) He tells her not to worry and things will work out. (Thanks, dad.)

Later, while Gavin works on an experiment, his maid, Eulabelle (Eulabelle Moore) (a horrible mammy stereotype and the only real problem I have with this movie is her character), tells him the culprit has to be a zombie and, somehow, voodoo is involved. He laughs at her silly superstitions and gives her the old "rational explanation" speech.

But it isn’t the Alpha Betas, it’s a horde of the sea creatures (yep, there’s more than one of the pigeon toed critters.) The bucket of water they rigged over the door does little to deter them and the monsters tear into the pajama clad victims. They leave several bloodied bodies behind and carry several girls back to their watery lair to snack on later.

- - - -

Now The Horror of Party Beach claims to be the first monster musical but that’s not quite true. Ray Dennis Steckler’s The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies made the same claim -- and since it came out a year earlier, it should rightfully claim that distinction. Not to worry fellow THOPB fans, it has another claim to fame. It is definitely the first Monster Panty Raid movie ever (although I point out the coeds are still inside the panties they're stealing.) Back to the review.

- - - -

Reports of the massacre go out over the airwaves. The authorities promise that all is being done to find and destroy the creatures. Several experts, including Dr. Gavin, are gathered to help solve the problem.

We then have another interlude as three gals from New Yawk stop for gas and directions to the freeway. The gas pump jockey (Del Tenney) gives them some very confusing directions, involving a dastardly short-cut, so is it really a surprise when they get lost?

To make matters worse, the ladies blow a tire near Fingle’s Quarry. They are overcome by an awful stench coming from the water. While trying to change the tire, they are beset upon by the monsters. One of the girls manages to escape by hiding in the trunk (I think.) The other two are carried off to a watery grave.

Meanwhile, Elaine is depressed. She fondles her teddy bear (like I said, creepy,) while Eulabelle tries to cheer her up. Elaine notices that Eulabelle carries a doll, too, and it turns out to be a voodoo doll. Elaine is amazed that the maid believes in that kind of stuff, so Eulabelle gives her the "don't scoff the supernatural" speech.

Hank shows up and wants to take Elaine out for a ride. They head back to the beach but the pier isn’t really jumping. Elaine makes a request to the band for a slow song and the magical music of the Del-Aires brings our couple together. (Awwww. It was meant to be. It just took one slow song - and several ghastly murders - to make it happen.)

Meanwhile, two ladies make their way home. They were supposed to have a ride but it didn’t show, so they risk walking home. Little do they realize but a monster is stalking them. It closes in and is ready to pounce when their ride pulls up. The monster is about six inches away, in full view, but neither the gals, nor the driver, can spot him and his outstretched arms. (What? They think it’s a tree or something?) The gals safely jump in the car and speed away, none the wiser.

Meanwhile (and stop me if you've heard this one), two drunks are run out of a bar. They both run their cars into each other in the parking lot, so they decide to walk to the next nearest bar and celebrate their wreck. Even in their stupor, they can hear someone following them but spot no one. The two stumble on until they discover a truck, parked on the side of the road, with its headlights on.

Hank discovers that the samples of the hand are radioactive. Gavin then gives the "eureka, that explains everything" speech. Hank mentions the Floating Pig, (Hank, that’s no way to talk about Elaine) the name of the garbage scow that dumped the radioactive waste.

Meanwhile, at the quarry, Elaine’s Geiger counter goes off just as the monsters surface. She tries to run away but gets her foot stuck in rock (don’t ask.) She screams as the monsters close in on her -- and there appears to be about a dozen of them. She manages to free her foot and limps away as the monsters close in for the kill.

At the quarry, Gavin arrives just in time to save Elaine from a monster. He uses up all his sodium but the monsters keep coming. He throws himself between another monster and his daughter. Luckily for them, the cavalry arrives. Hank nails the monster on top of Gavin with a sodium bomb and it flashes and burns up. (It burns Gavin too.)

A couple of cops drag Gavin to safety, while the others chuck more sodium at the advancing monsters. After several tense moments (and a very annoying soundtrack accompaniment) all the monsters go up in smoke. In the aftermath, Gavin and Elaine are helped back to the patrol cars as the all clear goes out over the police band radio.

Several days later, Hank calls on Elaine. Eulabelle shows him to her room. He tells Elaine he just saw Dr. Gavin who is fine and will be getting out of the hospital in about a week. The two embrace and we pan left to reveal a voodoo doll by Elaine’s radio. (A voodoo doll that bears an uncanny resemblance to Tina. Like I said, she’s just creepy.)

When they took the film to Fox Studios to screen it for the brass, Tenney had his set designer put on one of the monster suits and hid him in the executive bathroom. Legend has it that the head of the studio went to the can and nearly dropped dead of a heart attack. (All I can say, he's lucky he didn't pull the stunt when Daryl F. Zanuck was in charge or he might have been shot on the spot.) 

There were other things that the studios suggested the theaters should try according to the films promotional kit. Zacherley, the famous Horror Show host, cut a promotional record to be played in the lobby encouraging people to see the film. (He also appears in the teaser trailer for the film.) They also encouraged that one of the usherettes claim to have seen a monster in the nearest body of water. The theater was also to be equipped with "shock pills" and smelling salts in case anyone passed out.

The film was adapted into a picture comic by Wally Wood and Russ Jones for Warren Magazines. The same publisher who produced Famous Monsters of Filmland. They took pictures from the film and laid word balloons over the action. (It also contains a few more gore shots including one of Tina’s body washed up on shore.) I’ve got one floating around here somewhere and the biggest difference - between it and the film - is that the artists removed the bratwursts from the monster’s mouth and replaced them with a vicious set of fangs.

Now you have to be careful while tracking this film down. There are two versions. One is longer and gorier than the other is. (If you’ve seen the MST3k version, you’ve seen most of the gorier one but several scenes are still cut from it.) The film is pretty bloody for the time of its release. There is an urban legend of some brief nudity during the slumber party massacre but the director denies it. (I haven’t spotted it. Not that I’m looking for it - or did a frame by frame search - or anything.)

You're best bet is to check the film's running time. If it says 71-minutes, you've found the edited version for television. If you find one that says 79-minutes, you hit the jackpot. That's the original one, containing all the gore shots. 

Another complaint is that the film is so poorly lit, you can't tell what's going on. Well I'm going to step up and defend Del by pointing out that the reason you can't see anything is because the print you probably have is bad -- and that's why you can't make anything out at all. (I have similar problems with my copies of Red River, Giant Gila Monster and Men in War.)  

The copy of the film I have is the butchered 71-minute version, is very murky in some spots and then completely washed out in others. But if you compare a murky scene with the same scene in the print used for the MST3k episode, the difference is remarkable and pretty obvious. (See illustration.) 

Whether it’s the odd google-eyed monsters, with their mouths stuffed with bratwursts, or the twang of the infectious surf songs sung by The Del-Aires, the movie is a fun, competent, cinematic romp -- and no where near as bad as it’s reputation.

It is the monsters "unique" look that is the film's claim to sci-fi immortality. The thing is, the suit is very technically sound; but it just looks goofy as all hell. (I defy anyone to point out a visible zipper to me.) There appear to be two kinds of monsters. One appears to be more of a shambling mass while the other looks like Cookie Monster’s demented cousin.

If nothing else, just pretend it’s one of those horrid Gidget movies where an evil muppet wanders on to the set and tries to kill and eat her. Now how can you pass that up?