We begin at sea, which is currently tossing around a sailing yacht. Accompanied by a killer surf-soundtrack that really gets you into the mood for some rubber-suited mayhem, through the storm clouds, we see a monstrous claw emerge from the tumultuous black water. As the crew screams in panic, they are drowned out by the roar of giant monster, and then the claw smashes the boat to bits.

Two months later, Ryota (Toru Watanabe) is convinced that his brother, Yata -- one of the sailors on the doomed boat, is still alive. Wanting to go search for him, but having no boat, Ryota and his two friends, Ichino and Nita, enter a dance marathon where the grand prize is a brand new sailboat. The monkeys do the jerk -- or are the jerks doing the monkey?-- but the three wash out rather quickly. Ichino (Chotaro Togin) and Nita (Hideo Sunazuka) console Ryota by driving him down to the docks to look at sailing boats. Thinking it deserted, they board the Yahlen, but find it occupied. Yoshimura (Akira Takarada) thinks they’re burglars and holds a rifle on them. Quickly explaining the situation with Ryota and his missing brother, Yoshimura says they can spend the night, if they like, but must leave in the morning.

Dawn breaks, and the others discover that while they were sleeping, Ryota has set sail. Oddly, Yoshimura doesn't demand that they go back. Ryota is the only one who knows anything about boats, so they’re stuck and let him search for his brother. Yoshimura's odd behavior grows more suspicious when he shuts the radio off during a bulletin about a bank robbery, and he won’t let anyone near his briefcase. He drops even more, less then subtle hints that he’s the bank robber as he works on his stash of lock picks. (At this time, I point out that Ichino and Nita aren’t very bright.) Time passes and the provisions are slowly running out. Ryota calls them all to the deck to help because a bad storm is approaching...

Don't do it...The weather started getting rough -- Sorry about that. The tiny ship was tossed -- Hardy-har-har. Go ahead and finish it, ya dork! -- If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Yahlen would be lost. The Yahlen would be lost...Woooosshh....

And I solemnly swear that will be the last Gilligan's Island reference in this ship-wreck of a review.

Suddenly, the same giant claw surfaces and smashes the boat. But our heroes saw it, and bailed off before the blow hit. Washed on shore of some uncharted desert isle -- Okay, last time. I really mean it. Yoshimura finds what’s left of his briefcase and isn’t very happy. (We saw the briefcase spill open on the boat stuffed with Yen - so it’s official, he was the burglar.) Making their way inland, they find a discarded sword and Nita fears the island might be inhabited with cannibals. They spot a ship heading towards shore -- and we also note the ship is spraying a strange yellow liquid all over the place. Thinking they’re rescued, the group follows it along the shore and discover a sprawling military complex hidden on the island.

Yoshimura doesn’t like the looks of it, so they hang back and watch as the boat unloads its slave labor cargo. Good call, Yoshi. (Sharp eyes will note the native contingent is wearing Infant Island gear.) Several natives try to escape. Most are gunned downed, but two make it to a canoe and paddle out to the open sea. They don't get very far, though, as the claw surfaces yet again. But this time, we get to see all the creature -- it is Ebirah: a giant crawdad! Making quick work of the boat, he harpoons the natives on his claw and then gobbles them up. He squeals his content and sinks back below the waves. While the bad guys watch this spectacle, Daiyo (Kumi Mizuno), another captured native, uses this distraction to escape. Running right into our castaways (and that one doesn’t count, dag-nabbit), and amazingly enough, she speaks English. But her escape didn't go unnoticed and a detachment of soldiers is sent after them. They manage to escape and take refuge in a cave.

While Daiyo begins to pray to Mothra for deliverance, Ryota asks if she’s seen his brother, Yata. She has. He is alive and well on Infant Island. She then tells how the soldiers came to the island and captured them to work as slaves. We then cut to Infant Island where the inhabitants pray and sing to the snoozing Mothra. Even the Fairy Twins can’t wake her up -- but they keep on trying. Yoshimura thinks they need to do something and suggests they sneak into the compound to see what’s up. Nita and Ichino think they're safe right where they are until Nita knocks some rocks down further into the cave and makes a startling discovery. At the bottom of the cave, Godzilla lies comatose. (How did he get down there?) That convinces everyone to get out of the cave post haste. The group manages to sneak into the base, thanks to Yoshimura’s skills. They break into a storeroom and steal a few gas grenades, while Daiyo mistakes a roll of thin copper wire for a necklace and puts it on. Exploring deeper into the complex leads to something sinister -- a nuclear reactor. They’ve stumbled upon a heavy-water factory, and the militants are making atomic bombs for the evil despots of the Red Bamboo. (I’ve never heard of them either.)

The base commander (Jun Tazaki) tells his scientists that they have to step up production. Right about the same time, his eye-patched second in command (Akihiko Hirata) flushes out our heroes. Using the gas bombs they escape back into the compound, but the alarm has been sounded. Yoshimura, Ichino and Daiyo make it out but Nita is captured. Ryato, meanwhile, manages to get tangled up in the ropes of a weather balloon and sails away into the night. (Wow.) Nita is thrown into the dungeon where the native slaves are grinding an exotic fruit into a familiar yellow liquid. An older gent tells Nita that it acts as a repellent and keeps Ebirah away from the Red Bamboo boats. (That's why the boat was spraying the liquid earlier.) The other three make it back to the cave and regroup. They are startled by a loud thumping noise, and realize it’s Godzilla’s heart beat. The monster is still alive.

Meanwhile, Mothra still won’t wake up. So the natives start chanting and dancing again (second verse, same as the first.) This time, the ceremony is interrupted when Ryota’s balloon deflates and crashes into the middle of them. Ryota happily reunites with Yata (Toru Ibuki). He tells them what’s going on on the other island, where at this very moment, the Red Bamboo search party circle ever closer to the cave. Ichino suggests they should wake Godzilla up, and let him chase the soldiers away. Yoshimura thinks that’s crazy -- but it really is there only chance of surviving -- But if they start singing to him, I'm stopping this review right now! Using the MacGuyver approach they use the sword they found as a lightning rod, and with the copper wire Daiyo stole, they hook Godzilla up and wait for a storm to recharge his batteries. (Let's hope it's the rainy season.) 

In the dungeon, the work on the Ebirah repellent continues. Nita hits upon a plan to sabotage the Red Bamboo: Instead of using the fruit, they'll just grind the leaves into a pulp and produce a phony and useless batch of Ebirah repellent. Back on Infant Island, Ryota and Yata are given a boat to go and rescue their friends and free the other natives. The Fairies say to remind the others to keep the faith in Mothra. (She has to wake up some time.) With that last piece of advice, the brothers depart and reach the other island just as another storm whips up. Then several plot lines quickly converge: Ebirah surfaces and goes after the brothers just as several lightning strikes zap Godzilla back to life. Ebirah smashes the boat, but is distracted when the side of the mountain disintegrates and Godzilla emerges before he can eat them, allowing the brothers to swim safely ashore. The two monsters spot each other and bellow out challenges. Unimpressed by his adversaries squealing, Godzilla chucks a rock at him which Ebirah deftly deflects back to him. (We'll skip the game of catch and move on later in the action.) After Godzilla wades into the water, they duke it out. Ebirah is clearly outmatched, but holds his own until Godzilla unleashes his atomic blast. Ebirah drags Godzilla underwater but the big G still manages to scare him off into deeper water. Satisfied, Godzilla stomps on shore.

The next morning, Ryota and Yata fall into one of Yoshimura's traps meant for the soldiers. They are quickly freed and Yata rallies them to go and save the natives. When they reach the base, they see everyone hard at work building a giant electric fence to keep Godzilla out. (But that never works!) One of the Red Bamboo’s listening posts picks up our spying gang, so the soldiers get after them again with guns a-blazing. Daiyo gets separated and runs right into Godzilla. The monster scares the soldiers off, but he doesn’t go after Daiyo. He just settles down and takes a nap. The others try to sneak up and save Daiyo -- but the monster’s sleep is crudely interrupted by a bird -- a bird as big as a battleship (well, it might as well have been a cameo by The Giant Claw), swoops in and starts pecking at his head. This pisses the Big G off, so he fries the bird and it crashes into the ocean. No sooner than the smell of burnt feathers peters out, the Red Bamboo Air Corps attacks; but Godzilla makes quick work of them, too. During this brief melee, the others manage to rescue Daiyo.

His radioactive blood up -- and in a very poopie mood since they ruined his nap, Godzilla decides to take it out on the base. He stomps on over and shrugs off the bullets and rockets, wades through the fence (I told you it wouldn’t work) and starts trashing the place. Our heroes watch from a safe distance, but realize Yata has rushed off to the base to free the others despite the danger. Yoshimura goes after him. They'd better hurry. Their base lost, the order is given to overload the reactor and evacuate. This will destroy the island, the monster and all the witnesses. The soldiers take the fake batch of liquid and lock the natives in the dungeon. They plead for their lives, as it slowly collapses around them, due to Godzilla’s onslaught above. Luckily, Yata and Yoshimura find and free them before it completely collapses. As they make their way out through the lab, they catch the scientist rigging the overload. Yoshimura tries to stop him but the button is pushed. To make matters worse, Godzilla picks that time to stomp the building flat -- burying the triggering device and crushing the scientist. His dying words tells them they have just two hours before the whole island explodes. Unable to reach the switch, our heroes retreat out of the compound and meet up with the others. Nita and Ichino are happy to see each other and spot the Red Bamboo boat escaping in a spray of yellow liquid. Ichino is mad that they're getting away. But Nita says to watch -- they’re in for a surprise. Ebirah surfaces, ignores the worthless spray and destroys the boat. Godzilla spots him and then wades out into the water to kick his ass.

Daiyo instructs everyone to build a giant basket, so when Mothra comes to rescue them she can carry them away -- if she ever wakes up! Whoa, spoke to soon. Back on Infant Island, little Miss Sleepy Head finally decided to wake up. (Mothra, the Kaiju equivalent of the Pokemon’s Snorlax.) The Fairies mount up and Mothra flies to the rescue. Meanwhile, the big duel duel in the North Sea does not go well for Ebirah. They slug it out, but Godzilla manages to chomp on his big claw -- and rips it clean off. Godzilla keeps him on the ropes by breaking his other claw off -- thus ending the competitive phase of this bout. Now completely helpless, Ebirah turns tail and runs away squealing. As he swims away, Godzilla reminds the overgrown crawdad that he is the King of the Monsters. (And don’t you forget.) Godzilla then spots Mothra heading toward the island, and wades in to see what’s going on.

So what if the big guy doesn’t show up until it’s half over. Who cares that the plot resembles a Scooby-Doo cartoon as a gang of plucky teenagers stumble upon an island of international terrorists. Who cares that his opponent is a -- well, a giant crawdad with a nice backhand. (What is it with Toho’s fascination with playing catch with rocks anyway?) That's right. I don’t care. This film is one of my favorite Godzilla movies and I’m gonna give you three reasons why:

First off -- dig that crazy Dick Dale soundtrack. Whenever Ebirah surfaces the surf twang reverb cracks me up. Second -- the fact that Hideo Sunazuka (Nita) has a more than passing resemblance to Ray Dennis Steckler. Third -- Kimi Mizuno. Nuff said. (Hubba-hubba.) 

Still not convinced?

Okay, how about the extended scenes where Godzilla’s supposedly sleeping when it really appears that he’s taking a poop and trying to pinch off a loaf. How about Rodan’s cameo appearance as The Giant Claw -- in drag no less? And then there’s the unending scenes of tone-deaf chanting and precision dance numbers that can’t wake Mothra up -- Again! Also ponder if the Red Bamboo terrorists are part of KAOS, SPECTER or perhaps part of Dr. Evil’s organization.

The film also contains two of my favorite Godzilla moments. The first is after he’s torn Ebirah’s second claw off, and as the critter swims away in terror, the big man rubs it in by snapping the pinchers together, mocking him, and seems to be saying, "That’s right. Who’s the biggest bad ass around here? Right. That would be me." Second is the ending, when they urge Godzilla to get away. After briefly throwing his arms in the air (that for some reason always makes me think of that scene from Platoon), Godzilla does that hilarious cannonball dive off the cliff into the water. (I gave it a 10 but the Soviet judge only gave him a 5.8.)

The film was originally supposed to star King Kong, which would explain some of the plot -- his revival with electricity like in King Kong vs. Godzilla, and his fascination with Kumi. (But who can blame him?) Kong wouldn’t make an appearance for Toho again until the following year in the equally hilarious King Kong Escapes.

This film also marks Jun Fukada’s directorial debut in the Godzilla franchise. He receives way too much criticism for -- supposedly ruining the franchise by turning Godzilla into a giant super-hero. To that I give one giant raspberry. (Thhbbhhhhttth!) Menace to society, force of nature or kicker of Kilaak ass -- it doesn’t matter. It’s Godzilla, and that’s that. And you have to admire Toho’s loyalty to their stable of actors. People will recognize regulars like Takarada, Hirata and Jun Takazi. Takazi is the Japanese equivalent to Morris Ankrum. He always plays the General.

It might be interesting to note that Ebirah and Son of Godzilla never got a theatrical release in the states. American International Pictures snatched them up as part of a package of films for their fledgling television division. These films debuted on the tube. 

Toho’s monster rally, Destroy All Monsters, will always be my favorite Kaiju flick. But you can’t discount the enormous fun to be had with this film. Enjoy.

Posted: 08/23/01. Copy and paste at your own legal risk.

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