The
review you're about to read is true. Several words have been
misspelled, made up, or misused to protect the innocent.
End
voice simulator program.
A
very familiar voice introduces us to the city of Los Angeles circa 1966.
Giving us the nickel tour of all 415 square miles of the city and
surrounding communities, he
takes us to the winding canyons of the San Fernando Valley, where on a
particular secluded road, we spy some pour woman, bound and gagged,
struggling mightily while her tormentor sets up some camera equipment.
The photographer, who we never see except from behind, takes up one more
piece of rope and closes in. His intent is clear. We watch, through the
eye of his camera, as he closes in for the kill. It suddenly switches to
black and white and we pull back, revealing that we are now watching the
killer relive his crime by watching his home movie. The tour continues
to the undeveloped section of town and the narrator fills us in on the
city's codes and fines for illegal trash dumping, and spy a dark sedan
roar up into a vacant lot, dump a dead body and then roar off. Our
depressing tour ends as we're told that Los Angeles is a well known
convention center with hundreds of hotels and accommodations. Some rooms
are more expensive then others. Taking us into one of these rooms, we
spy yet another dead body on a bed, while the narrator informs us that
check out times may vary from hotel to hotel. The killer is still in the
room, rifling through the dead man's wallet. We never see his face
either, but can't help but notice a large tattoo of a rose on his arm.
A
canyon road. A vacant lot. A hotel room. When their purpose is obvious
it's business as usual. When they're used for something else, that's
when the narrator goes to work.
His
name's Friday. He carries a badge.
Daaahn!
Da-Dahnt-Dahnt!
Daaahn-da-dahnt-dahn-daaaaaahhhhhnnnn!
A
familiar theme cranks up and we pause a moment, to mentally recall and
enjoy my second favorite musical march of all time. What's first? I'll
give you three
guesses.
Thursday,
January 25th. 11:45am:
Robbery/Homicide
detective Joe Friday's (Jack
Webb) vacation is cut short due to a shortage of man power. With
the impending visit of some Russian dignitary, a lot of personnel have
been assigned as security leaving most departments short handed. So
Captain Brown (Gene Evans) calls back early. His
partner, Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan), brings him up to
speed on the latest case: The mysterious disappearances of three young
women. Due to health reasons, Gannon is due to retire at the end of his
shift on Friday and wants to get this one solved before turning in his
badge.
Thursday,
January 25th. 12:18pm:
The
lurid nature of the case is getting big play in the newspapers. The
first two missing girls worked as models, and they both had taken on a
private job and were never heard from again. The third, a Carol Freeman,
had belonged to a Lonely Hearts Club and was last seen leaving on a date
with someone she met at one of their socials. Friday
and Gannon track down her brother, George (Bobby
Troup), and ask him some questions. Carol was a single mother;
her husband had been killed in Vietnam. George gives them a picture of
Carol and we notice it's the girl we saw tied up in the canyon. They
ask if he knew the man she was dating. He doesn't but gives a general
description; all he really remembers was that his name was Johnson, that
he drove a blue or black sedan, and they met at the Adam and Eve Club.
He also remembers noticing the back seat of his car was filled with
camera equipment.
Thursday,
January 25th. 1:26pm:
The
detectives return to the station and run a check on all sexual offenders
named Johnson. The list is a mile long but they begin to try and narrow
it down with no real luck.
Thursday,
January 25th. 4:35pm:
Next
stop: the Adam and Eve club, that's abuzz with activity, as they prepare
for their next social. They're first mistaken as the ice cream providers
but that's soon cleared up. They
finally corral Mrs. Kroeger (Virginia
Gregg) in her office. She runs the club that tries to match
lonely Adams with equally lonely Eves. They want information on Johnson
but she claims confidentiality until Friday threatens to have her
licensed pulled. She
begrudgingly pulls the files; there are 92 Johnsons listed. Kroeger
continues to drag her feet, not wanting to ruin the reputation of her
club with this scandal, much to the detective's consternation. She
finally reveals who Carol was supposed to meet that night and turns his
file over to Gannon. But he was a new member and had no photo on file
yet. Just his name, J. Johnson, and his address.
Thursday,
January 25th. 5:30pm:
Johnson's
address turns out to be bogus. A quick check of the neighbors produces
no evidence of a J. Johnson ever living near here.
Thursday,
January 25th. 8:05pm:
Friday
puts a call back to headquarters to have two sketch artists meet up with
Freeman and Kroeger to try and get a description of this J. Johnson.
Gannon starts a background check on Johnson with the DMV. There are over
2000 J. Johnsons registered with vehicles in the city.
Thursday,
January 25th. 8:15pm:
The
detectives head to Central Division to see if any citations or traffic
tickets were issued to any Johnsons on the night of Carol's
disappearance. They even dig back as far as the first missing girl and
come up with 37 possible matches.
Both
sketch artists return but are puzzled; they thought they were working on
the same case, but their sketches look like two completely different
men. Neither detective puts much faith in Kroeger's description, since
she's trying to protect her business, but it's all they've got. They
take both sketches and return to the Adam and Eve club for the evening's
social to see if anyone recognizes J. Johnson.
Thursday,
January 25th. 9:43pm:
The
club is packed with lonely people trying not to be so lonely anymore.
Friday and Gannon split up and circulate the sketches but aren't having
much luck. One lonely lady starts hitting on Friday, when Gannon
interrupts them, saying he found someone who recognizes the man matching
Freeman's sketch. Asking the man to step outside, they
question him. He claims to have sat next to Johnson at one of the
socials and thought he was kind of odd. The witness swears he'd
recognize him if he saw him again. The detectives try to go back inside,
but Kroeger intercepts them at the door and refuses to let them back in,
claiming harassment. To make matter worse, the witness reneges saying he
couldn't swear under oath that the sketch was the same man.
Friday,
January 26th, 6:47am:
After
a frustrating first day of investigation, Friday returns to the office
to try again. He finds Gannon already there, scouring over some
paperwork. They both agree that unless something breaks, the odds of
finding Carol Freeman are slim to none. Another
detective (John
Roseboro) asks Friday for some help. Sgt. Bradford has just
nabbed Carl Rockwell (Jack Ragotzy), a three time loser,
for child molestation. He confessed to the arresting officers, but now
hoping to get off on a legal technicality, claims he didn't understand
his Miranda rights and refuses to cooperate any further. Friday
was the arresting officer who sent Rockwell up the river the two times
before, so Bradford hopes he can work his magic again. Friday gladly
offers to help and sits in on the interrogation. But he remains quiet
while Bradford questions the perp. He remains quiet until Rockwell rants
off and uses a racial slur against Bradford.
This
triggers one of Joe Friday's best diatribes against a criminal low-life
that I've ever heard. He dresses down Rockwell for the child molesting
scum that he is. Every crook from Cain to Capone tried to use a legal
loophole to get off but they're all just as guilty. He ends the rant by
looking Rockwell in the eye, saying if the Department doesn't question
the color of Bradford's skin, he'd better make damn sure that he doesn't
either.
Friday
returns to the squad room and finds Gannon talking to Watson, the chief
of personnel, who is reminding his partner that he must turn in his
badge and ID card by 4:30pm. Gannon promises to be on time and tells him
to skip the middleman and just make the final check out to his credit
union. The Captain interrupts them; it's
just been reported that their main suspect in the Carol Freeman case is
dead.
Friday,
January 26th, 8:17am:
The
detectives drive out to a vacant lot in the undeveloped part of town --
that we recognize from the beginning of the film, where the dark sedan
had done some illegal dumping. The
coroner gives them the score: The death was caused by multiple stab and
gunshot wounds. Shot three times in the back and twice in the head, there
is no identification on the body, just a wristwatch, a book of matches,
and his face is covered with a yellow powder that the coroner thinks is
powdered mustard. And who ever killed the man, probably threw it in the
victim's face to blind him.
The
victim does resemble the sketch, so they put in a request for Freeman
and Kroeger to come to the morgue and look at the body to see if it is
J. Johnson.
Friday,
January 26th, 11:24am:
The
victim's fingerprints don't match anything on record, so a copy is sent
off to the FBI in Washington. Freeman comes in and views the body. He
can't be 100% sure, but it does looks like the man who picked up his
sister. He's sick, because if it is, this probably means something bad
has happened to Carol. Friday assures him that they don't have all the
facts yet and not to give up hope. Kroeger
refuses to come in. No surprise to the detectives. Gannon feels she's
been lying to them all along. Friday doesn't disagree, but she's only
trying to protect her reputation.
The
matchbook they found on the body was from the Hotel Kingsley. It's all
they got, so they leave to check it out.
Friday,
January 26th, 12:05pm:
Pee
break.
Friday,
January 26th, 12:07pm:
The
two check out the Hotel, but the manager doesn't recognize the sketch
and there is no one registered under the name J. Johnson. He encourages
them to check back in an hour with his assistant. They
do and catch a break: the assistant recognizes the sketch. It's a man
registered as a Charles LeBorge, and the plot thickens when his home
address is Paris, France. They check out his room and call in a
fingerprint team to scour the place. LeBorge made one phone call -- to a
William Smith. Confounded with the common names that plague this case, it
will take some time to get his address; but get it they do.
Friday,
January 26th, 2pm:
They
find Smith (Roger Til)
at home. Smith's heavy accent is French and he says Charles is his
brother, who is here visiting from Paris. They break the news of his
brother's death and he takes it pretty hard. Why? Charles' young son,
Claude, came with him. Gannon asks if Charles was into photography or
owned any cameras. Smith says no. Charles was in the jewelry business.
He was here last night, but Smith was at his citizenship class (he
wants to become an American and wanted an American name, so he chose
Smith) and LeBorge was gone
when he got home. Maybe Claude knows where he went.
Claude
(Gerald Michenard) can't speak any English, so Smith
breaks the news to him. Claude's big, doughy eyes well up in tears. He
says his father went to a Hotel on business and left Smith a note that
he forgot about, until now. He gives the note to Friday but it's in
French, too. Smith translates: It says he met two new friends who are
interested in buying jewelry at the Cafe Rue de la Paix. It says luck is
with him because one of the buyers speaks French.
Claude
blubbers in French and tugs on Friday's coat. Smith translates, saying
he wants them to catch his father's killers. He latches onto Friday's
leg. Friday tells Smith he doesn't need to translate anymore.
Friday,
January 26th, 2pm:
The
detectives question the car attendant at the cafe, and he recognizes Le
Borg's photo. (They got it
from his passport that Smith gave to them.)
He says two guys were with him and they were driving a '59 Buick
LeSabre.
Friday,
January 26th, 3:12pm:
After
much checking and cross-checking, they find eight Buicks of that year
that are owned by less then reputable characters. One is owned by Max
Shelton: a parolee who went down for assault and robbery. Gannon has a
hunch that this is one of their men. Friday clinches it when he
cross-references Shelton's known acquaintances and turns up Rico Martel.
According to his record, Martel can speak French. It's all confirmed by
the parking lot attendant who fingers both of them. They check with
Shelton's parole officer and find out that the two men are living
together. Now it's a slam-dunk. They get a warrant and head out to make
an arrest. Watson intercepts them and reminds Gannon that he must turn
his badge in at 4:30 for his walking papers. Gannon assures him he'll be
back before then.
Friday,
January 26th, 4:42pm:
Friday
and Gannon issue their warrant by breaking down the apartment door with
guns drawn. Martel (Herbert Ellis) surrenders, but Shelton
(Eddie Firestone) is missing. Friday hears someone in the
kitchen and kicks the door open, sending Shelton sprawling. Shelton
scrambles for his gun but Friday's got the drop on him. Friday begs him
to give him an excuse to shoot him. He surrenders quietly.
Gannon
pulls a switchblade off of Martel and they find a bag of Bennies on
Shelton. The two refuse to talk, so they split them up. Friday takes
Shelton back into the kitchen and starts going through the cupboards
where he finds several containers of mustard powder. Shelton still
loudly refuses to talk, but Friday really isn't asking him any questions.
Friday and Gannon switch partners. Still no questions are asked of
either man. (I'm
smelling the old bait and switch.) They switch partners again.
(Swing your partners, round and
round, dosey-doe and away we go. Now promenade!)
Shelton still refuses to talk, but Friday says he doesn't need to
because Martel copped out. He just wanted to roll LaBorge but Shelton
was high, and had to get his kicks, and killed him for the thrill of it.
Shelton breaks and says it was all Martel's idea. They
bring the two felons back together and they both spontaneously confess
all over each other. While Gannon calls it in, the crooks reveal where
they hid the jewelry and money. The money was hid in a bible because it
was wet and needed to dry. They had to wash it to get the blood off. Gannon
tells Friday that a couple of uniforms will be by to take these two in.
They've got more important business to attend to:
Another
woman has disappeared.
Friday,
January 26th, 6pm:
Stormy
weather is brewing when they arrive at another hotel to talk to the
investigators who were initially called in on the fourth missing girl. We
recognize the hotel room and the victim as the last dead body we were
introduced to in the prologue. The detectives go over the room and
clues. The hotel clerk noticed the man's rose tattoo, too, but that's
the only lead they have.
Friday
and Gannon arrive. The fourth missing girl is Betty Mason: another model.
She was supposed to be a bridesmaid at a wedding but never showed. The
bride to be called in the missing persons report. They haven't had a
chance to search Mason's apartment yet but Friday says they'll take
over.
Friday,
January 26th, 7:15pm:
Nothing
seems amiss at Betty Mason's immaculate apartment. All her clothes and
suitcases are still there, but the landlady claims she hasn't seen her
for over 24 hours.
The
storm finally breaks and the rains come. All they can do is put out an
APB on Mason, and Friday's frustration finally boils over. This J.
Johnson can't be that good. He has to have slipped up somewhere. What
are they missing? Then he notices something: Two empty candy wrappers in
an ashtray. Mason
was a model and was probably counting her calories. The apartment is
spotless, so they probably belonged to the last person that was here. J.
Johnson? Maybe. A trashcan reveals a grocery sack with a stamped receipt
for two candy bars. It might just be the break they were hoping for.
Friday,
January 26th, 8:35pm:
They
arrive at the Canyon Market as the rain steadily gets worse. Up in the
hills, the torrential rain brings the danger of mudslides. Neither clerk
recognizes Johnson's sketch but the stock boy does. The suspect first
came in a few weeks ago, pulling a house trailer, and wanted to know if
there where any trailer parks nearby. He recommended the Canyon View
trailer park and the last time he saw Johnson was last night when he
came in and bought two candy bars.
The
deadpan duo head back out into the rain to find the Canyon View trailer
park.
Friday,
January 26th, 8:52pm:
They
knock on the trailer park manager's door and show him Johnson's sketch.
He recognizes the man as a Don Negler. He shows them Negler's
registration card and says he's parked in the last stall on the left.
While Gannon copies down Negler's license number and vehicle type, the
manager asks if there's going to be any trouble. Friday assures him
there won't be -- unless Negler starts some.
But
they're too late. Negler's stall is empty. (Are
these guys cursed?) They knock
on the next trailer's door. A woman answers and says she's glad the
creep's gone because he was always staring at her. He hooked up and left
about twenty minutes ago.
They
put out an APB on Negler, alias J. Johnson, and his car. The call is
forwarded to the Highway Patrol and all local jurisdictions. The rain
continues to beat down hard. A dispatch comes over the radio that
they've spotted Negler and are in pursuit. They listen to the radio as
Negler runs a police roadblock, but they've soon got him trapped in a
housing development that's still under construction. Shots fired at that
location.
Friday
and Gannon arrive on scene, where Negler has the cops at bay. He took
several shots at them and then retreated into the trailer. The door to
the trailer faces away from them, and the car and trailer are
dangerously close to a rapidly disintegrating cliff. Fearing he's still
got Mason inside, and what he might do to her if they try to rush him,
they hold their ground. Through
the rain, Friday
spies something moving around the car and they get the spotlight's
focused there. It's Negler (Vic Perrin); he's unhooked the
trailer and threatens to dump it over the cliff with the woman inside if
they don't back off. (It's a
little aluminum two-wheeler, so this isn't as impossible as it sounds.) Friday
tries to stall him over the loudspeaker as they weigh their options. The
housing development supervisor was still at the sight when Negler showed
up and warns that a mudslide is probably imminent, and Negler's rocking
the trailer isn't helping. He says there's an access road just below the
trailer, but it's probably impassable by now. Friday feels it's the only
chance they got.
He
turns the loudspeaker over to Gannon and tells him to stall.
Commandeering another cruiser, Friday speeds away. Gannon assures Negler
that's the first car to go and more will follow but they need more time.
Friday slogs the car up the access road, but that proves to be the easy
part. He's got about a twenty foot climb up a muddy incline to reach the
trailer. He starts to climb up but the cliff gives away and he falls
back down to the road. He dropped his gun and finds it, clogged with
mud. Useless now, he reholsters it and tries the climb again. Dodging a
couple of
Styrofoam boulders, he reaches the top just as Negler finally loses it
and let's the trailer go. Negler spots him and they duke it out. The
other cops see them and come a running, but are too far away to be of
help. Friday finally decks Negler and manages to get a rock jammed under
the trailer wheel before it rolls over the edge.
While
Negler is handcuffed, Gannon says he'll get the girl and enters the
trailer. Negler says he should have killed Friday. Friday answers he
tried -- and failed, buddy. Gannon comes back out with some bad news:
Mason has been dead for what looks like several hours. Friday takes the
news, and waits a single beat, then turns towards Negler.
Does
he slug him? No. Does he read him the riot act for being the criminal
degenerate he is? No. Joe Friday simply reads Negler his Miranda rights
and places him under arrest for the murder of Betty Mason. He asks if
Negler understands his rights. Negler says it doesn't matter; they've
got the toolbox, and that will tell them all they need to know.
Saturday,
January 27th, 12:05am:
After
getting Negler some medical attention and dry pair of clothes, they
return to headquarters for interrogation. Gannon takes him to a holding
room while Friday confers with Captain Brown. Friday says Negler won't
admit to anything and keeps mumbling about a toolbox and all the answers
they need will be found inside it. Brown
says he'll try to keep the press at bay for as long as he can. And to
not let Negler know that they don't have the mystery toolbox.
The
interrogation begins. They grill Negler, saying they've got him for
Mason's murder but what about the others? He tells them to bring in the
toolbox and he'll reveal all. Gannon says the toolbox is in the lab and
they're having trouble getting it open. Negler asks for his personal
stuff and then gives them the key for it. Friday then tricks Negler into
revealing where the toolbox is by complimenting him on the hiding place.
Negler agrees, no one would have thought to look in Crawford's storage
shed.
They
finally get lucky; everyone they need is home. The warrants are signed
and soon they'll have the toolbox and the final piece of this bizarre
puzzle.
Saturday,
January 27th, 4:35am:
They
bring in the toolbox and place it in front of Negler. Opening it, inside
they find photos off all the missing girls. Each one of them tied up in
different poses. Negler says he took those photos right before he killed
them. He'll even show where he buried them. Friday asks why they had to
die. Negler gets irate and refuses to answer. And he warns not to push
the point or he won't show them where the bodies are.
It's
time for Negler to meet the press. Friday drags him into the squad room
and the photographers surround Negler and start taking pictures. All the
flashbulbs visibly upset him. The reporters ask Friday for a statement
but his official comment is "No comment at this time." As the
bulbs keep flashing, Negler calls for Friday. He's ready to confess as
to why he killed all those girls now. Friday quickly drags him back to
the interrogation room. Negler says he killed them because they asked
him to. They all said they'd rather be dead than be with him.
Saturday,
January 27th, 7:15am:
With
Negler's help, all four bodies are recovered. Friday starts the
paperwork on the case. Gannon moves to help but Watson stops him and
orders him to turn over his badge and ID card. Gannon and Friday say
their goodbyes to each other. Friday promises to come and visit him at
Pismo Beach, where Gannon and his wife plan to retire and live on clam
chowder. As
Gannon leaves, two other detectives haul in a surly looking brute and we
spy a familiar tattoo on his arm. The faces may change but the game of
cops and robbers remains the same, and as always, crime doesn't pay.
Epilogue:
Eight
months later, Friday is at the hospital for his annual physical. While
putting his shirt back on, he spots a certain pair of argyle socks
attached to some familiar bony knees that can only belong to one person.
It's Gannon. He claims all the clam chowder he ate cleared up his ulcers,
so he's been reinstated to the force. He's even been reassigned to
Robbery/Homicide and can partner up with Friday again, if he'll have
him.
The
film ends on a rather lame joke that I won't bother going into. And
where the heck was the wrap up where we find out Negler's sentencing?
C'mon? Don't let me down now...Aww poop. At least we get to see the Mark
IV production logo, with the hammer gonging the chisel into the metal.
The
End
"Now
you listen to me, you gutter-mouth punk. I've dealt with you before,
and every time I did, it took me a month to wash off the filth. I'll
tell you what you did to that four-year old girl out in Westlake Park:
you staked out a bench like you've always done. You bought a sack of
penny candy; you waited until the right little girl came along... You
got her in your car. She started to cry; you hit her across the mouth
twice. You cut her lip with your ring. Knocked out three of her teeth.
And then you know what you did to her... Now, I didn't say that,
Rockwell, you did. That's exactly what you told those officers who
arrested you. They advised you of your constitutional rights before
you opened your mouth. Now you're trying to tell us you didn't
understand. Well, you're a liar... Like every hoodlum since Cain up
through Capone, you've learned to hide behind some quirk in the law.
And mister, you are a two-bit hoodlum. You've fallen twice for A.D.W.
Burglary, three times. Twice for forcible rape; I tagged you for
those. And now you've graduated: you've moved to the sewer. You're a
child molester."
