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For
the record: I Highly
Recommend the Newly Dubbed
Transfer Included in the
Second Bava DVD Box Set.
Click on the link below. |
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Ten
little Indian boys went out to dine;
One chocked his self and then there were
nine.
Nine Indian boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself then there were
eight.
Eight Indian boys traveling in Devon;
One said he'd stay there then there were
seven.
Seven Indian boys chopping up sticks;
One chopped himself in halves then there
were six.
Six Indian boys playing with a hive;
A bumble-bee stung one then there were
five.
Five Indian boys going in for law;
One got in Chancery then there were
four.
Four Indian boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one then there
were three.
Three Indian boys walking in the zoo;
A big bear hugged one then there were
two.
Two Indian boys sitting in the sun;
One got all frizzled up then there was
one.
One Indian boy left all alone;
He went and hanged himself and then
there were none.
--
Old English Rhyme
It
was Colonel Mustard.
In the Billiard Room.
With the candlestick?
--
a game of CLUE
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There
Be Massive |
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Spoilers
Ahead! |
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It
was her estranged husband,
Baron Donati, in the
conservatory, with the rope. |
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He
gets it in the conservatory,
too, several times, with a
knife. I'm pretty sure it
was Simon; but who the hell
really knows for sure. |
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Our
Teutonic floozy gets her
throat slashed, with a
machete, after an extended
naked swim and protracted
stalk and chase scene,
outside the abandoned disco
by either Ventura or Simon.
Again, the film is more than
a little muddy here. |
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Poor
Bobby the Boob. He gets a
full facial from a machete,
in the foyer, of the guest
house. Whodunit? Who knows.
Simon? Ventura? |
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Our
horny couple are shish-kebab'd
to a bed, mid-orgasm, with a
spear, in the guest bedroom.
Whodunit? Well, have I
mentioned the film is a
little murky here? |
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OK,
the bug man. Him, Albert
garrotes, with the phone
chord, while he tries to
call the police, in his
study. |
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Ah,
the clairvoyant. She was
poking around where she
didn't belong, saw something
she wasn't supposed to see,
in Ventura's bungalow, and
gets her head lopped off
with an axe. (Bet
she didn't see that coming,
and who knew Reneta had that
in her.) |
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After
defusing the plot with a
buttload of 12th hour
revelations that would have
made Jessica Fletcher blush,
the conniving secretary
can't deny her culpability
and is killed, in Simon's
shack, with Simon's bare
hands. |
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The
bastard son, thinking his
homicidal dirty deeds are
done, doesn't realize there
are other players playing
and gets harpooned, to the
boathouse, for his
ignorance. |
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The
Lawyer. Boo! Of course this
is all his fault. And he
sort of dies two or three
times but keeps on kicking
until Albert puts him down,
for good, with a knife, in
Ventura's bungalow. |
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And
they thought they were going
to get away with it. But!
Not so fast. Thanks to one
of the dumbest endings on
the face of the planet,
these two are felled, by a
shotgun blast, in the
driveway. Whodunit? I ain't
saying, but since everyone
else is dead, it ain't too
hard to figure out. Yeesh. |
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